Five Causes of Anger
Some parents have a hard time analyzing their anger to get anything positive out of it. A helpful way to uncover what’s behind your anger is to recognize anger’s five basic causes. These five causes overlap at points and you may find that the situation you’re experiencing fits more than one, but this list is often helpful to bring some rationale to feelings. Use these causes to guide your self-reflection when you start to feel angry and then move into a more healthy response.
It is important to use this checklist to help your children identify, analyze and process their anger.
1. Physical Pain - When a child hits you or you step on a sharp toy, your anger may, in part, be fueled by the physical pain you experience.
2. Blocked Goals - Trying to leave the house by 7:35 am and turning to see that your three-year-old took her shoes off again can lead to anger.
3. Violated Rights - When her five-year-old is knocking on the bathroom door, a mom may feel angry and think, “I have the right to go to the bathroom in peace.” A dad may believe that he has a right to come home and have a few minutes to relax in quiet before taking on family problems
4. Unfairness - When a mom sees a big brother picking on his sister, or a younger child harassing an older one, she may get angry because of the obvious unfairness of the situation. A dad may feel it’s unfair that he has to help bathe the kids after putting in a hard day’s work.
5. Unmet Expectations - A mom might say, “I expected to arrive home from work to cook dinner, but instead I come home to this mess!” Unmet expectations seem to go along with the job of parenting but often result in angry feelings.
Discovering what is causing your angry feelings will often help you see where your child needs to grow or change, giving you more insight into how to discipline most effectively. Understanding the five causes of anger can help you as you relate to your family.
Each time you feel angry, stop for a minute and try to identify which of these is the cause. Putting a label on your feelings may help you redirect some of that energy to a more productive response. You may begin to see patterns in yourself and identify one particular cause that is more common for you. This observation can help you know how to adjust your reaction.
If you have an anger issue that is destructive, repetitive or out of control, consider attending Celebrate Recovery at RHCC on Friday nights. They recover together from whatever has ahold of you.
This tip was taken from the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Showing posts with label anger. Show all posts
Monday, October 12, 2009
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Anger identifies a problem
This came in this morning to my email and I thought it was well worth sharing. You can sign up to receive these parenting tips to your email by going to: www.biblicalparenting.org
Use Anger to Spark Creativity
We say, "Anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them." Once you become aware of a problem, look for a more creative and productive way to solve it. When parents choose to reflect only anger, they limit themselves dramatically. Families benefit when they experiment with other emotional options as well.
Marilyn surprised her eight-year-old son after he put his feet on the table during dinner. She felt angry, but she chose to respond differently. "Do you know what the Bible says about beautiful feet?" she asked in a playful tone.
Expecting a harsh response the boy was shocked by his mother's question and curious about the answer. "No," he replied with question in his voice.
"The Bible says, 'Beautiful are the feet of them who bring good news.' Now I have some good news for you. Dessert is only served to those whose feet are under the table." Marilyn made her point and she didn't have to use anger to do it. During dessert, several minutes after the previous incident, she made a passing request, "Please don’t put your feet on this table."
Her son responded, "Okay."
This mom avoided what could have been an ugly scene by exercising some restraint on her anger and responding in a wise way. By stopping each time you feel angry and evaluating the situation, you can use anger to point out problems and then choose another strategy for your response.
This parenting tip comes from our book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids.
_____________________________________________________
One of the hardest things we can do as a parent is to not respond in anger. This only puts the child on the defense. Once in defensive mode no learning happens except how to be better at being defensive.
The part of this tip that makes me chuckle is the part where the child is suprised by the parent's response. Don't think for one moment your sweet little child is not capable of doing something just to get a rise out of you. There is a great deal of wisdom in not being predictable. Keeping relocating your buttons. It makes it harder for them to push them.
By the way, if you have a problem with anger, get help. It is one of the most destructive emotions for you and your children. Seek counseling or join Celebrate Recovery. Yes, Celebrate Recovery is for all problems that have a hold on you, not just addictions. There are currently some people in the RHCC Celebrate Recovery that are only there to work out their anger issues. They will understand where you are and where you need to be.
Use Anger to Spark Creativity
We say, "Anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them." Once you become aware of a problem, look for a more creative and productive way to solve it. When parents choose to reflect only anger, they limit themselves dramatically. Families benefit when they experiment with other emotional options as well.
Marilyn surprised her eight-year-old son after he put his feet on the table during dinner. She felt angry, but she chose to respond differently. "Do you know what the Bible says about beautiful feet?" she asked in a playful tone.
Expecting a harsh response the boy was shocked by his mother's question and curious about the answer. "No," he replied with question in his voice.
"The Bible says, 'Beautiful are the feet of them who bring good news.' Now I have some good news for you. Dessert is only served to those whose feet are under the table." Marilyn made her point and she didn't have to use anger to do it. During dessert, several minutes after the previous incident, she made a passing request, "Please don’t put your feet on this table."
Her son responded, "Okay."
This mom avoided what could have been an ugly scene by exercising some restraint on her anger and responding in a wise way. By stopping each time you feel angry and evaluating the situation, you can use anger to point out problems and then choose another strategy for your response.
This parenting tip comes from our book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids.
_____________________________________________________
One of the hardest things we can do as a parent is to not respond in anger. This only puts the child on the defense. Once in defensive mode no learning happens except how to be better at being defensive.
The part of this tip that makes me chuckle is the part where the child is suprised by the parent's response. Don't think for one moment your sweet little child is not capable of doing something just to get a rise out of you. There is a great deal of wisdom in not being predictable. Keeping relocating your buttons. It makes it harder for them to push them.
By the way, if you have a problem with anger, get help. It is one of the most destructive emotions for you and your children. Seek counseling or join Celebrate Recovery. Yes, Celebrate Recovery is for all problems that have a hold on you, not just addictions. There are currently some people in the RHCC Celebrate Recovery that are only there to work out their anger issues. They will understand where you are and where you need to be.
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