Inside Out or Outside In

Hello Dear Families,
All parents long for their children to establish convictions that will carry them through tough times. Sometimes those convictions help them control their emotions. Other times, that internal foundation helps them do what’s right when others are tempting them to do wrong.

Responsibility, in part, is staying true to personal values even when no one is watching. Convictions are formed in the heart. When Jeremiah described the new covenant God will establish, he wrote that it will be different from the stone tablets of the old covenant. God said, “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts” (Jeremiah 31:33).

One way to teach convictions to children is to use family rules. Rules are based on convictions. Rules are external prompters but convictions are internal prompters. The goal is to help children develop internal rules or convictions that will guide their behavior.

When you have discussions about rules, ask children if they can identify the convictions behind the rules. For example, one rule is that everyone comes to dinner whether they are hungry or not. Why? Because we have a conviction that meal times are social times, not just eating times.

Analyze rules with children to help identify the convictions behind the rules. This will helps kids to understand your values and even translate your convictions into new situations.


This parenting strategy comes from the video training program, Everyday Parents Can Raise Extraordinary Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

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Discussing the why behind the rules is a great way to help your child connect with the scriptures. Most of what we ask our children to do is grounded in God's Word. Before you have this conversation with your children, make a list of the rules and find their foundation in the Word. When you have the talk with the kids you will have what you need for the discussion. Transferring responsibility over to your child and making sure they know they are not only accountable to you but to God as well, will help them internalize obedience.

(By the way, when you do this you may discover a few stupid rules with no merit that you adopted from your environment growning up. This is a good time to chuck it and explain why to your kids. Being human to your kids is modeling our need for a Savior.)

Remember, whether they like it or not, you are called to be faithful to carrying out Godly parenting to the best of your ability. There will be times when you come up short or even fail, but God can work with that too.

Bless you all
Brenda

Because I said so!

Hello dear families
I want to encourage you to parent intentionally. Life moves real fast these days and before you can blink your children are older and opportunities have passed you by. Helping children develop spiritually doesn't require a seminary degree or a teaching credential. The only requirement is to be observant and available and ready for teachable moments.

Watch for opportunities to connect what they are learning and feeling with God and His Holy Word. Spend some time thinking about your house rules. Why do they exist? What do you hope for your children to learn from them? Where did you get them? Taking things to the source and finding scripture to back them up helps children decide internally what their motivation is.

At some point obedience has to turn internal. It can't remain only because you say so. Connecting the 'what' they have to do to the 'why' they have to do it helps them develop their own values and self motivations. It puts disobedience squarely back into their lap and calls it sin. At some point this becomes a personal battle between them and the Lord and not defiance of you.

In doing this exercise you may discover you have rules that don't have any tangible purpose. If so, you need to decide where they came from and if they are of value. If not, lose them. We are all learning about ourselves as we raise our children. It is okay to refine yourself as you go.

Most of all, live out your life honestly before the Lord and your children. It is okay for them to see your need for a Savior, to see that you to sin and can ask for forgiveness. Just take the time to intentionally connect God's truth to your life and the lives of your children. They will sense that God is a real, living interactive part of your life. Routine and religious gestures fall short of really living out your life before them and your God.

Get real and get intentional.
Bless you all
Brenda