Break Time not Time Out
As Parents it is our job to guide our children on how to handle their own emotions. One of the ways to do this is help them realize when they are out of control or unable to make good choices due to their emotions. Help them develop the habit of regrouping or taking a break. Help them with this by pointing out to them when they need to calm down and rethink the situation.
Allow the child to determine how much time they need to calm down. This is not a Time Out, or Punishment. This is a tool to help them manage themselves and their own sin nature more successfully. The focus needs to be on helping them realize that their current bad behavior is unproductive and destructive. They need to take ownership of their own self control and development.
Guiding them on the amount of time they take a break is directly connected to seeing how settled they are. Remind them that anger is something God tells us to deal with.
Ephesians 4:26
"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
It is their journey not yours. When you get angry, model the same behavior to them as well as using the same terminology. We are our children's best teachers.
Most importantly, enjoy every day with your children. They are a gift from God and a blessing.
Brenda
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Showing posts with label behavior. Show all posts
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
How Many Times Do I Have To Tell You??
Understanding Attitudes and How To Change Them
"Attitude" is a shorthand term used to summarize many different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors all at the same time. Various triggers provoke attitudes and simply hearing a word or seeing a signal can change a person's perspective. All Mom has to do is say Derek?! with that certain voice, for instance, and Derek knows she is going to ask him to do something. He responds with a disgusted groan.
Victoria gets to school and sees a pink slip taped to her locker again. She doesn't even read it but rolls her eyes and moans, knowing that it's a call to the office. Triggers like these quickly move people into attitudes that in part determine how they’ll respond to a situation.
Attitudes actually have three components: behavior, emotion, and beliefs. Each of these components can be useful in the change process. The behavior is the flag that tells you there’s a problem. Emotion adds energy to the situation and helps to determine when’s the best time to address the issue, and the beliefs tell you what needs to be addressed on a heart level.
Many parents only focus on the first component, behavior, telling kids to "stop pouting," or "Don't roll your eyes at me." Furthermore, these parents tend to focus only on what not to do instead of what the child should do. It usually isn't helpful just to tell a child to "Stop having a bad attitude" without giving more guidance for developing a better response.
Remember that the goal of discipline is not just to make your children less annoying. As you correct your children for bad attitudes, you are preparing them for the future. After all, they will experience similar situations continually throughout their lives.
Look for ways to help your children think differently. Listening carefully to your child can help you identify thinking errors that lead to a bad attitude. What hidden belief might Jeremy, age ten, have? He complains and argues when you ask him to do the dishes? Maybe he believes, "Chores are an interruption to my life and not my responsibility." If pressed, he may also reveal a belief, "All work is hard and unpleasant, and I must try to avoid it." A positive attitude about work comes from several new values such as "Work is necessary in order to brings benefits to me and to others" and "My contribution to family life is a statement of gratefulness for what I have."
Changing attitudes requires exposure to new ways of thinking. You can provoke your children to more healthy attitudes through dialogue, modeling, and correction. But remember, heart change takes time. We can change behavior quickly, but heart change goes deeper and lasts longer.
Have you discovered ways to adjust attitudes in your children, or even in yourself? Share what works for you.
Excerpt from http://www.biblicalparenting.org/.
___________________________________________________________
Think about all the times you have been ignored in your feelings or misunderstood. You discover faulty thinking and training as an adult and wish someone had taught you the truth earlier. Still many others of you still have faulty thinking about some issues. Now is your child's time to set out on the right path with a clear understanding of correct attitudes and perspectives on the issues of life.
Take the time to observe and respond to your child's behaviors instead of just reacting. Don't perpetuate the problem, be part of God's hand in setting it straight. If you have a recurring problem with your child, take a step back and ask yourself or them what is really going on. Ask an outside observer to offer their insight. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see the answer, but whatever you do don't ignore it.
May God grant you wisdom and peace as you parent your children today.
Brenda
"Attitude" is a shorthand term used to summarize many different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors all at the same time. Various triggers provoke attitudes and simply hearing a word or seeing a signal can change a person's perspective. All Mom has to do is say Derek?! with that certain voice, for instance, and Derek knows she is going to ask him to do something. He responds with a disgusted groan.
Victoria gets to school and sees a pink slip taped to her locker again. She doesn't even read it but rolls her eyes and moans, knowing that it's a call to the office. Triggers like these quickly move people into attitudes that in part determine how they’ll respond to a situation.
Attitudes actually have three components: behavior, emotion, and beliefs. Each of these components can be useful in the change process. The behavior is the flag that tells you there’s a problem. Emotion adds energy to the situation and helps to determine when’s the best time to address the issue, and the beliefs tell you what needs to be addressed on a heart level.
Many parents only focus on the first component, behavior, telling kids to "stop pouting," or "Don't roll your eyes at me." Furthermore, these parents tend to focus only on what not to do instead of what the child should do. It usually isn't helpful just to tell a child to "Stop having a bad attitude" without giving more guidance for developing a better response.
Remember that the goal of discipline is not just to make your children less annoying. As you correct your children for bad attitudes, you are preparing them for the future. After all, they will experience similar situations continually throughout their lives.
Look for ways to help your children think differently. Listening carefully to your child can help you identify thinking errors that lead to a bad attitude. What hidden belief might Jeremy, age ten, have? He complains and argues when you ask him to do the dishes? Maybe he believes, "Chores are an interruption to my life and not my responsibility." If pressed, he may also reveal a belief, "All work is hard and unpleasant, and I must try to avoid it." A positive attitude about work comes from several new values such as "Work is necessary in order to brings benefits to me and to others" and "My contribution to family life is a statement of gratefulness for what I have."
Changing attitudes requires exposure to new ways of thinking. You can provoke your children to more healthy attitudes through dialogue, modeling, and correction. But remember, heart change takes time. We can change behavior quickly, but heart change goes deeper and lasts longer.
Have you discovered ways to adjust attitudes in your children, or even in yourself? Share what works for you.
Excerpt from http://www.biblicalparenting.org/.
___________________________________________________________
Think about all the times you have been ignored in your feelings or misunderstood. You discover faulty thinking and training as an adult and wish someone had taught you the truth earlier. Still many others of you still have faulty thinking about some issues. Now is your child's time to set out on the right path with a clear understanding of correct attitudes and perspectives on the issues of life.
Take the time to observe and respond to your child's behaviors instead of just reacting. Don't perpetuate the problem, be part of God's hand in setting it straight. If you have a recurring problem with your child, take a step back and ask yourself or them what is really going on. Ask an outside observer to offer their insight. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see the answer, but whatever you do don't ignore it.
May God grant you wisdom and peace as you parent your children today.
Brenda
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Don't Throw the Child Away!
As your children grow you will meet many other children and their families. There will be children that misbehave or seem like a bad influence to your children. You can exercise your right to ween out those children when your kids are younger. Helping them size up peers and choosing close friends wisely is part of our job as parents. But what about the ones you are dismissing? Why are they the way they are. Most children exhibit behaviors as their way of telling you something in their world isn't right.
Don't be so quick to write them off. You may be in an instrumental position to accomplish 2 things. You may have come across a 'divine appointment' to offer light into a little life that is struggling for whatever reason. The second is you are offering opportunity to teach your children to be compassionate and world changers.
Of course, you must protect your children if the situation warrants it, but possibly you are set down in this situation to change this child's life forever.
What if your child is the one who is exhibiting behavior issues that you can't control. The same is true for them. They are trying to tell you something isn't right from their view. It may be how they are interpreting something they have heard or seen. Perhaps something has happened that they don't think they can tell you about. I have been through endless scenarios with my children and their friends. It is absolutely imperative that you immediately get to the root of the behavior. Don't call it a phase and hope it goes away.
Make talking about your feelings a family norm. Practice listening without judgement or punishment. Be a safe sounding board. If will pay off when something happens that they need to talk through. Don't ignore bad behavior, get to the bottom of it. Be willing to accept that maybe it is something you are doing that is being misinterpreted by your child or that you just shouldn't be doing. Seek the counsel of those you trust.
Don't dismiss those who cry out for help by their bad behavior. Don't leave them to be someone elses problem. I can personally vouch for the fact that you can make a difference just be showing you care, even if you never solve the problem yourself.
Don't be so quick to write them off. You may be in an instrumental position to accomplish 2 things. You may have come across a 'divine appointment' to offer light into a little life that is struggling for whatever reason. The second is you are offering opportunity to teach your children to be compassionate and world changers.
Of course, you must protect your children if the situation warrants it, but possibly you are set down in this situation to change this child's life forever.
What if your child is the one who is exhibiting behavior issues that you can't control. The same is true for them. They are trying to tell you something isn't right from their view. It may be how they are interpreting something they have heard or seen. Perhaps something has happened that they don't think they can tell you about. I have been through endless scenarios with my children and their friends. It is absolutely imperative that you immediately get to the root of the behavior. Don't call it a phase and hope it goes away.
Make talking about your feelings a family norm. Practice listening without judgement or punishment. Be a safe sounding board. If will pay off when something happens that they need to talk through. Don't ignore bad behavior, get to the bottom of it. Be willing to accept that maybe it is something you are doing that is being misinterpreted by your child or that you just shouldn't be doing. Seek the counsel of those you trust.
Don't dismiss those who cry out for help by their bad behavior. Don't leave them to be someone elses problem. I can personally vouch for the fact that you can make a difference just be showing you care, even if you never solve the problem yourself.
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