No Birthday, Christmas or Easter for you Young Man!!!

On this day in 1952, in the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football for Charlie Brown. We all know how that story ends. Lucy tells Charlie Brown to trust her that she will hold the ball while he kicks it. Everytime he does and everytime she moves the ball. She never kept her promise.

There is severe foundational fallout when we break our word to our children. If you declare a consequence that you do not follow through on or make a promise you do not keep, you are laying the groundwork for them to have future disregard for God's promises and consequences. Consider how key believing in God's promises is to your peace and faith. How often do you not do something for fear of God's chastisement? Fear of consequences is what keeps our society civil. Without it there is a disregard for authority and a dismissal of personal responsibility for behavior.

We have to be careful that as parents we don't fall into the trap of making idle threats. In Numbers 30:2 we are warned that we must follow through with our words. Think before your speak out against a behavior. (Prov 29:20) Think about 2 things: Can I follow through with the consequence, and is the consequence proportional to the bad behavior. Natural logical consequences are also more educational than arbitrary ones. For instance, if incesant TV watching is preventing a child from getting their homework or chores done then logically no TV is the consequence, instead of no dessert for a week. Both could be productive, but one is more logically linked to the problem than the other.

The same holds true for making a promise. Don't promise something to appease your child in the moment that you are not prepared to follow through on. We mustn't train our children to disregard our words. This later becomes the foundation of distrust for God's promises and consequences.

Saying what we mean is basically teaching our children that what we say should be trustworthy. People should be able to count on our word. The first thought out of them should be, "If she said she will do it I can count on it." Modeling being an honorable person that keeps your word/promises is the first step to teaching your child that important value.

While going through the week, listen to your children as they interact with you and others. Look for opportunities to correct them if they are promising something they can't keep. While following through with any promise or consequence, be sure to remind them of the importance of being trustworthy, that they will always be able to count on you to do what you say and tell them the truth.

Brenda

Words that cut or build

I was watching a movie (FAME)this weekend where a teen set out on a path, strongly believing in his ability to succeed. When his mother found out, she chastized him asking, "Who told you you would be able to succeed at this?" He said, "You did". The actor did an excellent job of portraying someone who was stabbed by his mother's doubts in his ability.

We have to remember that we, as parents, have a more powerful affect on our children then any other force. Especially in the developing years, our children learn trust, love, relationship rules, limits, develop (or don't develop) self confidence, and many, many more lessons.

We have to guard our words carefully. Encourage the talents emerging from your children as they grow. Make your little girls feel like empowered princesses and your sons like they are the kings of the world, but remember that they are human and will have natural limitations as well. It is okay to share with them that they can't do everything well. When they fail, assess if you feel it was from a lack of trying or natural limitations.

Help guide them as they discover who they are and what God has for them. Be sure to temper your responses, when negative. Deliver them in love. A successful format is to just ask the child/teen questions that force them to come the same conclusion that you would have proclaimed without discussion.

I remember when my daughter was in elementary, she wanted to be a singer. Believe me when I say, this was not a practical dream given the singing talent she was not born with. I told her that she should line up 2 or 3 dreams to pursue. As she got older and talent for singing didn't materialize, I finally sat her down and said, "Pick a different dream. God did not gift you for this one." She was upset that I would come right out and say it like that. I wish I had recorded her voice and had her critique herself against others who were blessed with that talent. It would have gone down smoother if she came to that conclusion herself. She thanks me these days for putting things straight back then. Still it would have been nice to have done it a more gentle way.

Watch what you say and how you say it. Our words can build up or cut down. Each morning pray that God will guard your words and your actions. God fills in where we lack. He loves our children more than we do. Trust Him to guide and co-parent with you.

Share your experiences with this in your life or with your kids. We learn from each other.

Blessings
Brenda