"But test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. 1 Thes 5:21
How do children develop a Christian Worldview? More than likely it will not come from church. Most churches are hard pressed to even find enough volunteers to serve in Children's ministries each year, much less scan them for the ability to teach a solid worldview. Most adults don't have a good bead themselves on where they should stand on issues today or even how to defend their faith. Even if each church in America had an army of well prepared volunteers, we only get about 1 and 1/2 hours a week with your child. In a world that will commit to bombarding your child with contrary input, this is not adequate time to defend against it.
No, the responsiblity must be firmly placed in the parent's hand. It is not as hard as it sounds. First thing you must do is be clear on what you believe and why. If you don't know why you practice some of the things you do, ask an elder or pastor at your church.
Second, be around when your child is exposed to media. Teach them to see what they are watching or listening to objectively. Children's programming is filled with manipulation and bad messages of body image and popularity. Discuss whether what is happening is realistic. Have them think through their own experiences with school and peers. Be sure to show them that they can defend the faith against the message they are being fed.
Talk about what motivation may be behind the commericial or TV program. Help them develop critical thinking skills. If they don't agree with you, challenge them to defend their position by finding backing for it in the Bible. Don't lord over them with your opinions. Let them develop their own loyalty to God and their worldview. As long as they have a Biblical defense for it that is sound. Be prepared to be schooled by your kids. God always teaches me something new through them.
Make talking through the emotional parts of their day a norm in your home. This is where the real battles can surface. If you say, "How was your day?", they say, "fine". If you say, "What did you do?" They say, "Nothing". Don't stop there. Ask them if anything out of the ordinary happened. What was their high and what was their low. Did someone say something that suprised or confused them. Dig a bit deeper and the issues of their heart will surface.
You can do this. It is one day at a time that they slip away, so be sure they have hiking boots to help them hold their ground in a slippery world.
Blessings
Brenda
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Peace Baby
On this day in 1940 Winston Churchill was the first to use the finger 'V' sign for victory. Since then it has morfed into the peace sign. Do you have true peace? Have you shared with your children what true peace is and how to have it? For me peace comes in KNOWING God is on my side, has my life organized for good, and will provide what I need when I need it. When I don't understand, that's ok. It is a need to know situation. The more us people know the more we screw things up. Trust that God deserves to be the Lord of your life and the peace that surpasses all understanding will settle into your very being. It will bring you internal rest. I promise. Help your children practice trust. Look for everyday opportunities to trust God to help them handle what they cannot control. Offer up a prayer of surrender and gratitude with them when they face a fear or unknown. Help them to debrief the outcomes after. Trust is a spiritual muscle. You have to use it for it to grow.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Inside Out or Outside In
Hello Dear Families,
All parents long for their children to establish convictions that will carry them through tough times. Sometimes those convictions help them control their emotions. Other times, that internal foundation helps them do what’s right when others are tempting them to do wrong.
Responsibility, in part, is staying true to personal values even when no one is watching. Convictions are formed in the heart. When Jeremiah described the new covenant God will establish, he wrote that it will be different from the stone tablets of the old covenant. God said, “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts” (Jeremiah 31:33).
One way to teach convictions to children is to use family rules. Rules are based on convictions. Rules are external prompters but convictions are internal prompters. The goal is to help children develop internal rules or convictions that will guide their behavior.
When you have discussions about rules, ask children if they can identify the convictions behind the rules. For example, one rule is that everyone comes to dinner whether they are hungry or not. Why? Because we have a conviction that meal times are social times, not just eating times.
Analyze rules with children to help identify the convictions behind the rules. This will helps kids to understand your values and even translate your convictions into new situations.
This parenting strategy comes from the video training program, Everyday Parents Can Raise Extraordinary Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
______________________________
Discussing the why behind the rules is a great way to help your child connect with the scriptures. Most of what we ask our children to do is grounded in God's Word. Before you have this conversation with your children, make a list of the rules and find their foundation in the Word. When you have the talk with the kids you will have what you need for the discussion. Transferring responsibility over to your child and making sure they know they are not only accountable to you but to God as well, will help them internalize obedience.
(By the way, when you do this you may discover a few stupid rules with no merit that you adopted from your environment growning up. This is a good time to chuck it and explain why to your kids. Being human to your kids is modeling our need for a Savior.)
Remember, whether they like it or not, you are called to be faithful to carrying out Godly parenting to the best of your ability. There will be times when you come up short or even fail, but God can work with that too.
Bless you all
Brenda
All parents long for their children to establish convictions that will carry them through tough times. Sometimes those convictions help them control their emotions. Other times, that internal foundation helps them do what’s right when others are tempting them to do wrong.
Responsibility, in part, is staying true to personal values even when no one is watching. Convictions are formed in the heart. When Jeremiah described the new covenant God will establish, he wrote that it will be different from the stone tablets of the old covenant. God said, “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts” (Jeremiah 31:33).
One way to teach convictions to children is to use family rules. Rules are based on convictions. Rules are external prompters but convictions are internal prompters. The goal is to help children develop internal rules or convictions that will guide their behavior.
When you have discussions about rules, ask children if they can identify the convictions behind the rules. For example, one rule is that everyone comes to dinner whether they are hungry or not. Why? Because we have a conviction that meal times are social times, not just eating times.
Analyze rules with children to help identify the convictions behind the rules. This will helps kids to understand your values and even translate your convictions into new situations.
This parenting strategy comes from the video training program, Everyday Parents Can Raise Extraordinary Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
______________________________
Discussing the why behind the rules is a great way to help your child connect with the scriptures. Most of what we ask our children to do is grounded in God's Word. Before you have this conversation with your children, make a list of the rules and find their foundation in the Word. When you have the talk with the kids you will have what you need for the discussion. Transferring responsibility over to your child and making sure they know they are not only accountable to you but to God as well, will help them internalize obedience.
(By the way, when you do this you may discover a few stupid rules with no merit that you adopted from your environment growning up. This is a good time to chuck it and explain why to your kids. Being human to your kids is modeling our need for a Savior.)
Remember, whether they like it or not, you are called to be faithful to carrying out Godly parenting to the best of your ability. There will be times when you come up short or even fail, but God can work with that too.
Bless you all
Brenda
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Journey of Discipline
Do what I say! How does that make you feel?
It has been an interesting journey working with other people's children over the last 20 years. I have seen first hand the ebb and flow of the latest trends in child rearing and the consequences they create. Not all the advice presented by "experts" is good advice. It has also been interesting to see how the parents are functioning as adults having grown up in some of these trends.
Most of the advice has to do with the level and type of discipline. Ahh the "D" word. What adult doesn't have some aspect of their life that they wish they were more disciplined at. I know I do. Discipline is a foundational sin hold out for all humans. It is not inherently, uniquely a child issue. So how do you create an adult that grows up to be a well rounded, disciplined, functioning member of society?
Good question. I'm not going to throw another theory at you. I will say that the Word of God is clear. You cannot avoid disciplining your child or doing the hard work to teach them to be obedient people. This is a difficult but critical responsibility every parent must accept. You are not called to be their friend. There may be times they even hate you. That's okay. It is not a popularity contest it is an obligation that God has placed squarely on your back.
I think it helps to explore what level of obedience God requires of us and to help them find their way to that standard. Are we suppose to question God's plan for our lives? No. Should your children argue or question your authority when you instruct them to carry something out? No. It is important to expect obedience first. Then if the need exists, spend time talking about the why and connecting it to God's expectations of us after. I am reminded of a time my son would not obey me. In frustration and near tears I asked him why he didn't just do what I said? His answer, "I knew you were going to ask me 5 more times before you really meant it so I waited". Wow, what an eye opener. The Bible says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Mean what you say the first time. Don't train them to not take you seriously.
I am a big talker when it comes to my children. Having gone through the divorce and seeing how emotionally and psychologically hurt my kids were, I spent countless hours talking with them and helping them work through their feelings. However, what that also created in our house was an environment where there was always time to talk and negotiate. Discipline and obedience opportunities were difficult to execute because I had trained them to talk about everything. If they didn't like something or understand the why of it, we all slipped into discussion mode. Now there is nothing wrong with the concept just the timing. I wish I could go back and change that one factor. Obedience first (and immediately) talking second. If you don't hear anything else, hear that. What a difference it would have made.
Take it one day at a time. God is your co-parent and will assist you all along the way through His Holy Spirit. Accept your limitations and allow God to help you lean on Him and grow in the process. He wastes nothing.
Blessings to you all.
Brenda
It has been an interesting journey working with other people's children over the last 20 years. I have seen first hand the ebb and flow of the latest trends in child rearing and the consequences they create. Not all the advice presented by "experts" is good advice. It has also been interesting to see how the parents are functioning as adults having grown up in some of these trends.
Most of the advice has to do with the level and type of discipline. Ahh the "D" word. What adult doesn't have some aspect of their life that they wish they were more disciplined at. I know I do. Discipline is a foundational sin hold out for all humans. It is not inherently, uniquely a child issue. So how do you create an adult that grows up to be a well rounded, disciplined, functioning member of society?
Good question. I'm not going to throw another theory at you. I will say that the Word of God is clear. You cannot avoid disciplining your child or doing the hard work to teach them to be obedient people. This is a difficult but critical responsibility every parent must accept. You are not called to be their friend. There may be times they even hate you. That's okay. It is not a popularity contest it is an obligation that God has placed squarely on your back.
I think it helps to explore what level of obedience God requires of us and to help them find their way to that standard. Are we suppose to question God's plan for our lives? No. Should your children argue or question your authority when you instruct them to carry something out? No. It is important to expect obedience first. Then if the need exists, spend time talking about the why and connecting it to God's expectations of us after. I am reminded of a time my son would not obey me. In frustration and near tears I asked him why he didn't just do what I said? His answer, "I knew you were going to ask me 5 more times before you really meant it so I waited". Wow, what an eye opener. The Bible says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Mean what you say the first time. Don't train them to not take you seriously.
I am a big talker when it comes to my children. Having gone through the divorce and seeing how emotionally and psychologically hurt my kids were, I spent countless hours talking with them and helping them work through their feelings. However, what that also created in our house was an environment where there was always time to talk and negotiate. Discipline and obedience opportunities were difficult to execute because I had trained them to talk about everything. If they didn't like something or understand the why of it, we all slipped into discussion mode. Now there is nothing wrong with the concept just the timing. I wish I could go back and change that one factor. Obedience first (and immediately) talking second. If you don't hear anything else, hear that. What a difference it would have made.
When children learn to obey they learn to give up their own agenda for someone else. They learn to listen to an instruction and follow through with it. They learn how to be responsible, check back, and complete a task. In short, when children learn obedience, they not only make family life easier but they also develop the character that will make them more valuable in the work place, the community, and the world. In fact, learning to obey parents teaches kids what they need in order to obey God. (Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller)Isn't that what we all want for our children?
Take it one day at a time. God is your co-parent and will assist you all along the way through His Holy Spirit. Accept your limitations and allow God to help you lean on Him and grow in the process. He wastes nothing.
Blessings to you all.
Brenda
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
If It's Broke Fix it!
Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help
One of the parts of our honor definition is that we do more than what's expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it. It means solving problems instead leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:
If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.
Take time to teach children that they don't have to be asked in order to do a job. Honor means that we’re all contributing to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, then report back to you.
These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
Of course, that's what makes a valuable employee too so you can teach your children something more important than just how to get along better in your family. You may be preparing them to be outstanding employees as they get older.
In addition, look for ways to discover the talents God gave each of your children. Help them find ways to use their loves and gifts to contribute or be kind to others. Perhaps you have a little one that likes to draw all day. Get the names of the seniors at a local nursery home and have your little one draw them pictures with a kind note jotted on it, like: God loves Mrs Smith.
Helping our children learn that they were placed here to contribute to God's perfect plan helps them not slip into the world's self absorbed agenda.
Enjoy your children this week.
Brenda
Some of this was borrowed from an article from "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids" by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
One of the parts of our honor definition is that we do more than what's expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it. It means solving problems instead leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:
If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.
Take time to teach children that they don't have to be asked in order to do a job. Honor means that we’re all contributing to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, then report back to you.
These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
Of course, that's what makes a valuable employee too so you can teach your children something more important than just how to get along better in your family. You may be preparing them to be outstanding employees as they get older.
In addition, look for ways to discover the talents God gave each of your children. Help them find ways to use their loves and gifts to contribute or be kind to others. Perhaps you have a little one that likes to draw all day. Get the names of the seniors at a local nursery home and have your little one draw them pictures with a kind note jotted on it, like: God loves Mrs Smith.
Helping our children learn that they were placed here to contribute to God's perfect plan helps them not slip into the world's self absorbed agenda.
Enjoy your children this week.
Brenda
Some of this was borrowed from an article from "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids" by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Because I said so!
Hello dear families
I want to encourage you to parent intentionally. Life moves real fast these days and before you can blink your children are older and opportunities have passed you by. Helping children develop spiritually doesn't require a seminary degree or a teaching credential. The only requirement is to be observant and available and ready for teachable moments.
Watch for opportunities to connect what they are learning and feeling with God and His Holy Word. Spend some time thinking about your house rules. Why do they exist? What do you hope for your children to learn from them? Where did you get them? Taking things to the source and finding scripture to back them up helps children decide internally what their motivation is.
At some point obedience has to turn internal. It can't remain only because you say so. Connecting the 'what' they have to do to the 'why' they have to do it helps them develop their own values and self motivations. It puts disobedience squarely back into their lap and calls it sin. At some point this becomes a personal battle between them and the Lord and not defiance of you.
In doing this exercise you may discover you have rules that don't have any tangible purpose. If so, you need to decide where they came from and if they are of value. If not, lose them. We are all learning about ourselves as we raise our children. It is okay to refine yourself as you go.
Most of all, live out your life honestly before the Lord and your children. It is okay for them to see your need for a Savior, to see that you to sin and can ask for forgiveness. Just take the time to intentionally connect God's truth to your life and the lives of your children. They will sense that God is a real, living interactive part of your life. Routine and religious gestures fall short of really living out your life before them and your God.
Get real and get intentional.
Bless you all
Brenda
I want to encourage you to parent intentionally. Life moves real fast these days and before you can blink your children are older and opportunities have passed you by. Helping children develop spiritually doesn't require a seminary degree or a teaching credential. The only requirement is to be observant and available and ready for teachable moments.
Watch for opportunities to connect what they are learning and feeling with God and His Holy Word. Spend some time thinking about your house rules. Why do they exist? What do you hope for your children to learn from them? Where did you get them? Taking things to the source and finding scripture to back them up helps children decide internally what their motivation is.
At some point obedience has to turn internal. It can't remain only because you say so. Connecting the 'what' they have to do to the 'why' they have to do it helps them develop their own values and self motivations. It puts disobedience squarely back into their lap and calls it sin. At some point this becomes a personal battle between them and the Lord and not defiance of you.
In doing this exercise you may discover you have rules that don't have any tangible purpose. If so, you need to decide where they came from and if they are of value. If not, lose them. We are all learning about ourselves as we raise our children. It is okay to refine yourself as you go.
Most of all, live out your life honestly before the Lord and your children. It is okay for them to see your need for a Savior, to see that you to sin and can ask for forgiveness. Just take the time to intentionally connect God's truth to your life and the lives of your children. They will sense that God is a real, living interactive part of your life. Routine and religious gestures fall short of really living out your life before them and your God.
Get real and get intentional.
Bless you all
Brenda
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Break Time not Time Out
Break Time not Time Out
As Parents it is our job to guide our children on how to handle their own emotions. One of the ways to do this is help them realize when they are out of control or unable to make good choices due to their emotions. Help them develop the habit of regrouping or taking a break. Help them with this by pointing out to them when they need to calm down and rethink the situation.
Allow the child to determine how much time they need to calm down. This is not a Time Out, or Punishment. This is a tool to help them manage themselves and their own sin nature more successfully. The focus needs to be on helping them realize that their current bad behavior is unproductive and destructive. They need to take ownership of their own self control and development.
Guiding them on the amount of time they take a break is directly connected to seeing how settled they are. Remind them that anger is something God tells us to deal with.
Ephesians 4:26
"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
It is their journey not yours. When you get angry, model the same behavior to them as well as using the same terminology. We are our children's best teachers.
Most importantly, enjoy every day with your children. They are a gift from God and a blessing.
Brenda
As Parents it is our job to guide our children on how to handle their own emotions. One of the ways to do this is help them realize when they are out of control or unable to make good choices due to their emotions. Help them develop the habit of regrouping or taking a break. Help them with this by pointing out to them when they need to calm down and rethink the situation.
Allow the child to determine how much time they need to calm down. This is not a Time Out, or Punishment. This is a tool to help them manage themselves and their own sin nature more successfully. The focus needs to be on helping them realize that their current bad behavior is unproductive and destructive. They need to take ownership of their own self control and development.
Guiding them on the amount of time they take a break is directly connected to seeing how settled they are. Remind them that anger is something God tells us to deal with.
Ephesians 4:26
"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
It is their journey not yours. When you get angry, model the same behavior to them as well as using the same terminology. We are our children's best teachers.
Most importantly, enjoy every day with your children. They are a gift from God and a blessing.
Brenda
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