Melt away the meltdown

I just experienced the privilege of seeing a caring mom in action. Her child was being asked to do a routine thing that was overwhelming him. She knew his normal reaction to things and this was not normal. (Meltdown) With much prodding by others she started to force him through the situation. (Meltdown cont.) Within minutes she put an end to the pain and just was present and comfort for her child.

Don't you just have days where you can't deal with everyday things? So do children. Add a busy weekend of a child being drug around through lots of events and outings and you have a recipe for meltdown.

It isn't that our little ones can't handle a change in their routine. Shaking it up once in awhile is good for them. They need to learn to roll with things. However, it is important to remember that they have their limits. Be sensitive to when they have reached it. That is when the day becomes about them and not what is left to do.

The sensitivity, intuitiveness, and compassion you show your child when they can't cope on their own will make a huge impact on them. It is well worth missing whatever next thing is on the agenda to tend to what they really need. (You)

It might be good to mention here that it is possible to expect to much out of your child. We are so eager to give them every advantage that we overbook them and ourselves. Choose to do less and spend more time doing things at home. Decide as a Christian parent what priorities of your time you want to teach your kids. You have to model this message. You can't say they can't do a ton of things but you stay extremely busy. Weekend church and mid week Bible study/small group should be the top message. (God 1st)Most nights home with the family, message 2, (Family 2nd) pursuing passions/interests, message 3. (self/others 3rd) Balance your message. Put the message in the right order of importance.

Time flies so fast. Cherish your time as a family as much as you can.

Get Connected

Check out our improved webpage. Go to http://www.rollinghillscovenant.com/children to see all the new features. There is a color-coded room map to help people find classes for children, a preview of the coming parent E-newsletter, schedules and dates for Mom's day out, Parent's night out, and Club 56. The weekend lessons for September are available along with ideas that you can do with your children at home to reinforce them. There is even a simple format to follow for leading a child to Christ. This format can even be used by a child who wants to lead another child to the Lord.

It is our prayer that you will have all the opportunities and tools to be supported as you raise them up to be strong, mature children of God.

Please browse through our webpage and send me comments or emails on other features you would like to see or any problems you find. This is your ministry and your webpage. We want to make it as user friendly and informative as possible. We are here to serve you and your children.

Do you feel connected to other parents? Let us know what other opportunities you would like to see available. (Coffee break devotion time, fitness fellowship, etc)You can comment here or email me at bherrera@rhcc.net.

I look forward to hearing from you.
Brenda

Express Empathy

One of the ways to help children learn from life is to become their counselor or coach. Life is a great teacher and when it dishes out its lessons, you, as a parent, have a great opportunity to support, encourage, and coach your child to learn from the experience.

The key is to express empathy and validate the pain or disappointment your child is experiencing. Then, you can gently move into a suggestion mode if needed. For example, when the cat scratches your four-year-old son who is playing rough, don't just launch into a lecture. Instead say something like, "Ouch, I'll bet that hurt. It looks like he doesn't like rough play does he?"

Or when your eight-year-old daughter is hungry before dinner because she refused to eat lunch you might say, "I'll bet you're hungry. That's a long time to go without food."

If you leave out the empathy and just move into a lecture mode, children may react poorly. They may view your approach as condescending or cold and respond with defensiveness, anger, or hostility. Empathy communicates love; while at the same time allows the child to accept responsibility for the problem.

Empathy is a primary ingredient for partnership. Empathy reveals understanding and care. Empathy validates the emotions a child is experiencing even though the actions that come out of those emotions may need correction. Demonstrating your love while your child learns from experience can be one of the best ways to teach children lasting lessons about life.

Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing. Letting our children learn for themselves is a painfull thing to watch. We want to protect them from everything. I can remember some of my most valuable lessons being the most painful. Do your own memory search. Do you think you were willing to learn that lesson from advise or lecture or was the process and the pain necessary for you to grow and change? I think both can be true, but God is the orchestrator. We are just 1st string.


This parenting tip comes from the book, Home Improvement, The Parenting Book You Can Read to Your Kids Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
With final comments by Brenda Herrera

Connect your kids to God's Word

I have been listening to the audiobook of "Revolutionary Parenting" by George Barna. The entire source for data in this book was from interviews with parents of children who grew to be adult spiritual champions. There is much in this book to draw from. We all want our children to grow up to be adults that love the Lord and contribute to His kingdom in meaningful ways.

One of the topics explored was on Bible time between parents and kids throughout the week while they were growing up. What did the parents in this book reveal about their Bible study regiment with their kids?

They didn't have one! Many of them initially tried to follow Bible studies and daily devotions with little success. However, they intentionally found opportunities to take the events within the week and seek what God's Word had to say about it. This didn't happen every day, but the meaningful connection of life with the living, breathing Word of God had a profound affect on their children. Their children learned that it wasn't something to just do each day, but a interactive tool to use while seeking God in life events.

Seeking God daily in prayer and personal Bible study should still be the encouragement that is conveyed by parents to their children. Having them see you model this in your own quiet time is invaluable. Release yourself of the stress of not getting them to participate in a daily family devotion time. Instead seek out opportunities to go to the Word for wisdom when events and topics come up.

Children's Ministries has the weekend lessons posted on our webpage for all our classes on the weekend. Review these and look for opportunities to reinforce those lessons throughout the week. The more your child hears the same lessons applied in life the more it will be entrenched in their hearts. We offer suggestions on how to enrich and expand their lessons at home.

In addition, there will be take home activities for your kids that attend our Children's Bible Study night (LINKED) on Tuesday nights. Our 1st-6th graders will receive enrichment activities that they can do on their own or with your help. All these are tools to choose from. It is most important to simply pray for opportunities and allow the Lord to guide you as you guide your children to become Spiritual Champions.

Blessings to you all

Brenda

Down time

Today is my day off. My children are all grown, so now a day off is actually possible. It is near impossible to have a day off when they are little much less a few minutes off. As a single mom most of their growing years, God brought along the occasional loving person that would let me relax for a bit. The thing I remember the most was the mental release in those precious few times. Spending every waking minute thinking about and anticipating the path of little ones, where everyone is, what they are experiencing, who will influence them is mentally and physically exhausting. When we leave the house, we have to anticipate their needs and then proceed to pack the house to prepare for their needs.

You have to find ways to rest your body and mind. You will be a better parent. Form a co-op with other parents to take turns watching each others kids for free. (Side note: Be sure you know alot about someone you are leaving your kids with. There are alot of bad people out there pretending to be normal.) The church has opportunities for groups of parents to come together and usually they offer childcare.

You may be thinking, I have no one to help me, I can't get away. That is okay. I survived many years of that. There are still ways to steal downtime. Get up a bit early and have some quiet time with your Bible, God and really good cup of coffee or tea. After they go to bed, find an interest besides parenting to talk about on an online chat room or read a book. Take a long soothing bath with quiet music. Workout to a video in the livingroom. Anything to allow you to escape. You have to take care of yourself, because your children are not programed to give as much as they take.

God will sustain and restore you:
Psalm 62:1 "My soul finds rest in God alone"
Psalm 91:1 "He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty."

If you are in a position to offer that release for a parent, do it. You will strengthen them as a family by allowing that parent to get some time to themselves.

My prayer is you will have some time to yourself in the next few days.
Blessings
Brenda

You will mess up

There comes a time in every parent's life when they mess up. (Now if you don't think you ever mess up, might I suggest you read my blog from 7/27 about being honest) I imagine most of us try really hard to be a good parent, but we are sinners too. We get overtired or overwhelmed, we get selfish, we get needy, we lose our temper. It is important to realize that God has already factored in your humanness. He does call us to do our best and if we are following the perfect will of God these sinful moments will be far fewer, but they will happen.

So there you are; you have wronged your child in some way. (Broken a promise of quality time, snapped at them in an ungracious way, ignored them, put your wants above their needs) Now what? You are their role model. Are they damaged for life? Have you managed to emotionally scar them so that you are what they blame all their future failings on? No. God causes all things for work together for good. He will mold your child into who He wants them to become.

Now that doesn't mean you are not responsible for your actions or lack there of. Use these opportunities to model repentance. Tell them what you believe you did wrong, ask them to forgive you and ask God to forgive you in their presence. It is important for them to see the healing power of God and the grace of forgiveness in action.

However, if you are trapped in a destructive pattern and are messing up the same way over and over, it may be time to get someone involved that can help you figure it out. The church is a good source for this. Many people on staff can work through issues with you. You can cause emotional and psychological damage to your child if you live trapped in a repetitive pattern of sin.

God is ultimately in control and loves you and your children more than even you do. He has their path already laid out and will help you raise them, sin and all.

Seek God, do your best, get help when you need it, and let go of your failures.
Bless you all
Brenda

Let your children fail.

When your child succeeds at something, do you feel a personal sense of accomplishment and pride? When your child does something wrong, do you feel like the whole world is pointing at you and saying 'bad mom' or 'bad dad'? You would be the exception if you didn't.

I remember the countless times I ran back home to get the left books, homework, lunch or whatever. The science projects that I helped with that were brought up the night before they were due (stop laughing: you know it is true, or you will if you haven't reached that point yet). I didn't want my child to be the only one without a project or a lame project. We want our children to take school, success and being responsible for themselves seriously. Well take it from someone who took way to long to figure this out. You are not helping when you help so much. Let your children fail sometimes.

Help them to be organized. Teach them the importance of being prepared. Set them up in everyway to succeed, then let them fail. It is the fastest way for them to learn a lesson. If they forget their book and have a consequence at school, or work on an assignment that they didn't bother to put back in the backpack and now it is late and worth less, they will feel it. It should be thier problem, not yours.

If you keep bailing them out they will need you to clean up their messes for the rest of their lives. They will develop that annoying sense of entitlement and laziness our teens these days are so known for. They must learn to own the problem.

If you think someone will think badly of you for not running to their aide everytime, so what. If you feel the imaginary glares of people judging you, it is mostly in your head. They aren't the ones who are personally responsible for helping that person become a mature, responsible adult. If they do have an opinion, again I say, who cares. Do what you know is right. It isn't about what people think of you, it is about the responsiblity that God has given you. He is the only accountablily you need.

Be sure to start early with this though. This lesson learned later can be much more costly and a difficult pattern for all of you to break.

Does anyone else have some experience with this? Join in on the conversation. This is a forum to share, not just a platform for me to pontificate.