Thursday, October 29, 2009

Getting a Response

Get a Response


Parents give instructions many times a day. The difference between a drill sergeant and a parent has to do with relationship. The way you give an instruction helps a lot. In fact, a little forethought can head off resistance before it starts.

In addition, we encourage parents to teach children to respond with, "Okay Mom," or "Okay Dad." This answer reveals three things. First, it shows that the child has heard what you said. How many times have you gone back to check up on an assignment only to hear the child say, "But I didn't hear you"? Some parents even teach their children to repeat the instruction back by saying, "I will…" and then fill in the blank. This helps clarify the instruction for both parent and child.

The second benefit of an answer is that it teaches the child to communicate the intent to follow through. One dad said, "I like it when my son says, 'Okay Dad,' because it shows me that he's going to do what I asked."

The third benefit of a response is that you can hear what kind of attitude your child has. If it's one of those, "Okaaay Mommm!" responses then you know that your child has an attitude problem. The response reveals some important things about a child's heart. Silence can mean too many things. A child may comply, while harboring anger, rebellion, resentment, or defiance.


Teaching children to answer after an instruction gives you a window into their hearts to see if they're responding well to the instruction. If not, a parent has the opportunity to help make some adjustments.

This tip was taken from the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.


Brenda

Monday, October 19, 2009

Generosity

Generosity will be rewarded; Give a cup of water, and you will receive a cup of water in return" Proverbs 11:25

Luke 6:38
Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you."

Talk with your kids about what kinds of rewards come from being generous. Do you give only so that you can receive? Being generous starts with being aware of others, recognizing that they have needs and that you might be able to meet them.

Give family members a chance to share how they were generous during the day. Don't press the issue if someone can't think of anything. Keep doing this for serveral days in a row to help them become more aware of opportunities during the day. You'll begin to hear some very interesting reports.

Have somone read Philippians 2:3-4 to the family. See if they understand that being generous starts with taking care of others before you take care of yourself. It might mean putting others needs before before your wants.

Even as young as preschool they can learn generosity. When your little one is going to have a friend over have them help you plan a snack and allow your child to serve the snacks to his friend. Compliment him on being generous and kind.

Don't forget to model generosity to your children and use those opportunities as teachable moments.

Bless you all
Brenda

Excerpts from Raising up Spiritual Champions Newsletters by Jean K Lawson

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Plan Ahead or Come Up Short

Believe it or not, we have been already starting our Christmas planning here at the church. I know that that word brings a wide array of emotions for all of you. (Magic, stress, sadness, happiness, family, love, fun,busyness, expense, planning, etc) Let me give you some time to consider what your children learn from this season. What is the first word that comes into their mind when you say Christmas? My guess is the word 'present' is at the top of the list.

My challenge to you would be to set a plan in place this Christmas season to help them transition in their mind to Christ as the present. How can we share Him this season?

Think about your normal traditions you have and how you can transform them into acts of love in the name of Christ. Change your terminology around to saturate your conversations with excitement about Christ and what He did for us.

Perhaps you have a gingerbread house making ritual. Could you make two and take one or more down to a women's shelter for the kids, or perhaps cookie decorating is your thing. Maybe extra can be made and taken to a senior center in your area. Whatever your tradition, think about how you can share the love of Christ with it. You could add a new tradition to your season if your existing ones are not adaptable.

Start planning now. Think of how you will phrase things and build excitement for the new traditions you are planning. Children take their lead from you. Set out to systematically change that first word that pops into your child's head when you say Christmas.

I would love to hear about all the ways our families are already doing this. Chime in and share.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Is God not Sure?

When you experience a challenge in your life no matter what category it falls under is it a test to show God where you are at in faith?

I have been going through the Old Testament and when I came across the part in Genesis where Abraham is told to sacrifice Isaac, it made me pause. Why did God put both of them through that? I think sometimes we think God is testing us to see if our faith is true and pure. So does that mean that God doesn't already know where we are at spiritually? That is not what the Bible says.

Then why? What happens to us when we come to that moment where the rubber meets the road and we have to stand in our faith? What happens in us? We find ourselves processing through what we believe, and why we believe it. This refining experience can only really happen in the moment of most intensity when all is on the line. Do I stand or do I fall.

God is already sure of where you are. He knew Abraham's convictions and his heart before He asked him to sacrifice the son he had longed for. To be a fly on Abraham's mind on that day. The scripture leaves out any comments of deep emotions experienced by Abraham. There was simply obedience to the very end without hesitation. Abraham proved not only to God but his son and himself that God is faithful, just and most importantly deserving of our unquestioning obedience.

When you stand before a difficult challenge, remember, it is not happening to fill God in on where you are at. He already knows. It is for you.

Help your children learn that God is worthy of our obedience. Trials are opportunity for reflection, growth, and witness. Oh that we will stand strong in faith of God, is my prayer. May God richly bless you all today. Stand strong.

Brenda

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Raising our children to honor God with their body.

Raising girls to honor the Lord with their bodies in a society that is so sexually focused is an uphill battle. However, it is a fight that we must persevere through.

We must help our girls see that how they act and dress can have a profound affect on men/boys. Since boys/men are such visual creatures, it is important to help girls not cause them to stumble. Girls should understand the powerful responsibility they hold. The Lord says in 1 Corinthians 6:13b that 'our bodies are not for sexual immorality but for the Lord and the Lord for the body.' As Christians, our bodies are now called to a higher purpose. In Matthew 5:28 it says, 'Whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart'. It is imperative that we help them understand that our role as women is to help a man not stumble by not enticing them.

Likewise, it is important for us to help our sons understand that women are to be revered and treated as a precious vessel. That if there are girls/women that cause their thoughts to wonder that they need to confess those thoughts and take them as seriously as if they had committed an immoral act. They also need to be trained on how to avoid and respond to situations that they find themselves tempted in.

Children are having sex as early as late elementary school now. It is important to start developmentally appropriate education with your children about what God teaches about their bodies.

Especially for girls, it is important to help them view their self image as God views them. Helping them plug in early to their identity in Christ will help them be less likely to want to tarnish that image with inappropriate dress and behavior.

The world is very, very clear and loud on this issue. "They aren't enough as they are." We have to be louder and clearer. Especially when they are still young enough to believe us.

Blessings to you all.
Brenda

Monday, October 12, 2009

5 Causes of Anger

Five Causes of Anger


Some parents have a hard time analyzing their anger to get anything positive out of it. A helpful way to uncover what’s behind your anger is to recognize anger’s five basic causes. These five causes overlap at points and you may find that the situation you’re experiencing fits more than one, but this list is often helpful to bring some rationale to feelings. Use these causes to guide your self-reflection when you start to feel angry and then move into a more healthy response.

It is important to use this checklist to help your children identify, analyze and process their anger.

1. Physical Pain - When a child hits you or you step on a sharp toy, your anger may, in part, be fueled by the physical pain you experience.

2. Blocked Goals - Trying to leave the house by 7:35 am and turning to see that your three-year-old took her shoes off again can lead to anger.

3. Violated Rights - When her five-year-old is knocking on the bathroom door, a mom may feel angry and think, “I have the right to go to the bathroom in peace.” A dad may believe that he has a right to come home and have a few minutes to relax in quiet before taking on family problems

4. Unfairness - When a mom sees a big brother picking on his sister, or a younger child harassing an older one, she may get angry because of the obvious unfairness of the situation. A dad may feel it’s unfair that he has to help bathe the kids after putting in a hard day’s work.

5. Unmet Expectations - A mom might say, “I expected to arrive home from work to cook dinner, but instead I come home to this mess!” Unmet expectations seem to go along with the job of parenting but often result in angry feelings.

Discovering what is causing your angry feelings will often help you see where your child needs to grow or change, giving you more insight into how to discipline most effectively. Understanding the five causes of anger can help you as you relate to your family.


Each time you feel angry, stop for a minute and try to identify which of these is the cause. Putting a label on your feelings may help you redirect some of that energy to a more productive response. You may begin to see patterns in yourself and identify one particular cause that is more common for you. This observation can help you know how to adjust your reaction.

If you have an anger issue that is destructive, repetitive or out of control, consider attending Celebrate Recovery at RHCC on Friday nights. They recover together from whatever has ahold of you.


This tip was taken from the book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids, by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Be A Fly on Your Own Wall

Children learn from a young age to read your body language. They know your loving face and voice, your comforting voice, your irritated voice and the infamous, 'I have had it tone!' From infancy child absorb all the visual data they can take in. What information do you think they are gathering from watching and listening in your home.

Try this. Listen to a normal day in your house. What moods, messages and cues would you learn just by observing and not having any knowledge of history on what is going on. Listen and watch with virgin eyes. What is on TV, the radio, what books are being picked up and read? How much yelling happens and what is it over? Is there a worthy conflict that you back down from? Your children learn by what you do and don't do.

Some people take a passive role in situations that are worthy of boundaries. This is also being learned by your child. I often tell people who are allowing abuse of some sort in their lives that what they are really doing is teaching their children that it is okay to be abused. They are going to grow up assuming that abuse is acceptable. Now most of you reading this don't have something as serious as that in your life. However, there are plenty of other silent lessons you are teaching your children all day.

Take a step back and be an observer in your own life. Listen to what you say and how you say it. Determine if it is achieving the goal you want. (Such as stopping a behavior or teaching a virtue) If you are not accomplishing your goal you are probably repeating an ineffective process to the frustration of all.

I believe it was Benjamin Franklin that said, "A fool is someone who repeats the same act over and over expecting a different result"

That quote transformed my parenting tactics.

Take inventory of tone, body language, effectiveness, and motive with your parenting. If something is going the wrong way, put on the brakes, regroup, and fix it. Commit it to prayer and God will show you where you need to fine tune.

Bless you all
Brenda

Sunday, October 4, 2009

What Are We Teaching Our Girls?

Sorry I haven't written in a few days but I have been off to the mountains for a retreat and on jury duty. I have been contemplating the various roles women have taken over the years. There status as equals with Adam, the mother or sin, and now restored through the blood and redemption of Christ.

What do we teach our young girls about their place in society? What message are we sending to them by our actions, words, and stereotyping?

In Genesis we see the original blueprint that God had intended. Man and woman in an alliance to take care of all God had for them to do. However, when we think of the name Eve we all jump to the first sin. The fruit that she ate and shared with Adam.

The consequences that followed were clear and continued until Christ sacrificed to all on the cross. When the veil was torn in the Holy of Holys, the spiritual hierarchy was over. There was no longer an outer court for women or inner court for priests or a court for Gentiles. All of us could now approach the most holy equally. Christ restored the original blueprint.

What do we share with our girls? This is a much debated topic. There are many on both sides of the issue. Should women remain submissive to men. Are men still rulers over women as it says in Genesis 3:16, or was that condition dissolved by the sacrifice and restoration of God's children to Him when Christ was sacrificed?

Share your thoughts on this. Take a few minutes to create an account and lets discuss our views on how to best raise our children up in fear and admonition of the Lord.