Hello Dear Families,
All parents long for their children to establish convictions that will carry them through tough times. Sometimes those convictions help them control their emotions. Other times, that internal foundation helps them do what’s right when others are tempting them to do wrong.
Responsibility, in part, is staying true to personal values even when no one is watching. Convictions are formed in the heart. When Jeremiah described the new covenant God will establish, he wrote that it will be different from the stone tablets of the old covenant. God said, “I will put my law in their minds and write it on their hearts” (Jeremiah 31:33).
One way to teach convictions to children is to use family rules. Rules are based on convictions. Rules are external prompters but convictions are internal prompters. The goal is to help children develop internal rules or convictions that will guide their behavior.
When you have discussions about rules, ask children if they can identify the convictions behind the rules. For example, one rule is that everyone comes to dinner whether they are hungry or not. Why? Because we have a conviction that meal times are social times, not just eating times.
Analyze rules with children to help identify the convictions behind the rules. This will helps kids to understand your values and even translate your convictions into new situations.
This parenting strategy comes from the video training program, Everyday Parents Can Raise Extraordinary Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
______________________________
Discussing the why behind the rules is a great way to help your child connect with the scriptures. Most of what we ask our children to do is grounded in God's Word. Before you have this conversation with your children, make a list of the rules and find their foundation in the Word. When you have the talk with the kids you will have what you need for the discussion. Transferring responsibility over to your child and making sure they know they are not only accountable to you but to God as well, will help them internalize obedience.
(By the way, when you do this you may discover a few stupid rules with no merit that you adopted from your environment growning up. This is a good time to chuck it and explain why to your kids. Being human to your kids is modeling our need for a Savior.)
Remember, whether they like it or not, you are called to be faithful to carrying out Godly parenting to the best of your ability. There will be times when you come up short or even fail, but God can work with that too.
Bless you all
Brenda
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
A Journey of Discipline
Do what I say! How does that make you feel?
It has been an interesting journey working with other people's children over the last 20 years. I have seen first hand the ebb and flow of the latest trends in child rearing and the consequences they create. Not all the advice presented by "experts" is good advice. It has also been interesting to see how the parents are functioning as adults having grown up in some of these trends.
Most of the advice has to do with the level and type of discipline. Ahh the "D" word. What adult doesn't have some aspect of their life that they wish they were more disciplined at. I know I do. Discipline is a foundational sin hold out for all humans. It is not inherently, uniquely a child issue. So how do you create an adult that grows up to be a well rounded, disciplined, functioning member of society?
Good question. I'm not going to throw another theory at you. I will say that the Word of God is clear. You cannot avoid disciplining your child or doing the hard work to teach them to be obedient people. This is a difficult but critical responsibility every parent must accept. You are not called to be their friend. There may be times they even hate you. That's okay. It is not a popularity contest it is an obligation that God has placed squarely on your back.
I think it helps to explore what level of obedience God requires of us and to help them find their way to that standard. Are we suppose to question God's plan for our lives? No. Should your children argue or question your authority when you instruct them to carry something out? No. It is important to expect obedience first. Then if the need exists, spend time talking about the why and connecting it to God's expectations of us after. I am reminded of a time my son would not obey me. In frustration and near tears I asked him why he didn't just do what I said? His answer, "I knew you were going to ask me 5 more times before you really meant it so I waited". Wow, what an eye opener. The Bible says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Mean what you say the first time. Don't train them to not take you seriously.
I am a big talker when it comes to my children. Having gone through the divorce and seeing how emotionally and psychologically hurt my kids were, I spent countless hours talking with them and helping them work through their feelings. However, what that also created in our house was an environment where there was always time to talk and negotiate. Discipline and obedience opportunities were difficult to execute because I had trained them to talk about everything. If they didn't like something or understand the why of it, we all slipped into discussion mode. Now there is nothing wrong with the concept just the timing. I wish I could go back and change that one factor. Obedience first (and immediately) talking second. If you don't hear anything else, hear that. What a difference it would have made.
Take it one day at a time. God is your co-parent and will assist you all along the way through His Holy Spirit. Accept your limitations and allow God to help you lean on Him and grow in the process. He wastes nothing.
Blessings to you all.
Brenda
It has been an interesting journey working with other people's children over the last 20 years. I have seen first hand the ebb and flow of the latest trends in child rearing and the consequences they create. Not all the advice presented by "experts" is good advice. It has also been interesting to see how the parents are functioning as adults having grown up in some of these trends.
Most of the advice has to do with the level and type of discipline. Ahh the "D" word. What adult doesn't have some aspect of their life that they wish they were more disciplined at. I know I do. Discipline is a foundational sin hold out for all humans. It is not inherently, uniquely a child issue. So how do you create an adult that grows up to be a well rounded, disciplined, functioning member of society?
Good question. I'm not going to throw another theory at you. I will say that the Word of God is clear. You cannot avoid disciplining your child or doing the hard work to teach them to be obedient people. This is a difficult but critical responsibility every parent must accept. You are not called to be their friend. There may be times they even hate you. That's okay. It is not a popularity contest it is an obligation that God has placed squarely on your back.
I think it helps to explore what level of obedience God requires of us and to help them find their way to that standard. Are we suppose to question God's plan for our lives? No. Should your children argue or question your authority when you instruct them to carry something out? No. It is important to expect obedience first. Then if the need exists, spend time talking about the why and connecting it to God's expectations of us after. I am reminded of a time my son would not obey me. In frustration and near tears I asked him why he didn't just do what I said? His answer, "I knew you were going to ask me 5 more times before you really meant it so I waited". Wow, what an eye opener. The Bible says let your yes be yes and your no be no. Mean what you say the first time. Don't train them to not take you seriously.
I am a big talker when it comes to my children. Having gone through the divorce and seeing how emotionally and psychologically hurt my kids were, I spent countless hours talking with them and helping them work through their feelings. However, what that also created in our house was an environment where there was always time to talk and negotiate. Discipline and obedience opportunities were difficult to execute because I had trained them to talk about everything. If they didn't like something or understand the why of it, we all slipped into discussion mode. Now there is nothing wrong with the concept just the timing. I wish I could go back and change that one factor. Obedience first (and immediately) talking second. If you don't hear anything else, hear that. What a difference it would have made.
When children learn to obey they learn to give up their own agenda for someone else. They learn to listen to an instruction and follow through with it. They learn how to be responsible, check back, and complete a task. In short, when children learn obedience, they not only make family life easier but they also develop the character that will make them more valuable in the work place, the community, and the world. In fact, learning to obey parents teaches kids what they need in order to obey God. (Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller)Isn't that what we all want for our children?
Take it one day at a time. God is your co-parent and will assist you all along the way through His Holy Spirit. Accept your limitations and allow God to help you lean on Him and grow in the process. He wastes nothing.
Blessings to you all.
Brenda
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
If It's Broke Fix it!
Teaching Children to Look for Ways to Help
One of the parts of our honor definition is that we do more than what's expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it. It means solving problems instead leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:
If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.
Take time to teach children that they don't have to be asked in order to do a job. Honor means that we’re all contributing to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, then report back to you.
These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
Of course, that's what makes a valuable employee too so you can teach your children something more important than just how to get along better in your family. You may be preparing them to be outstanding employees as they get older.
In addition, look for ways to discover the talents God gave each of your children. Help them find ways to use their loves and gifts to contribute or be kind to others. Perhaps you have a little one that likes to draw all day. Get the names of the seniors at a local nursery home and have your little one draw them pictures with a kind note jotted on it, like: God loves Mrs Smith.
Helping our children learn that they were placed here to contribute to God's perfect plan helps them not slip into the world's self absorbed agenda.
Enjoy your children this week.
Brenda
Some of this was borrowed from an article from "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids" by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
One of the parts of our honor definition is that we do more than what's expected. That means seeing what needs to be done and doing it. It means solving problems instead leaving them for others. One family had a sign in their kitchen that read:
If it’s broken, fix it.
If it’s empty, fill it up.
If it’s open, shut it.
If it’s out, put it away.
If it’s messy, clean it up.
If you can’t, then report it.
That’s honor.
Take time to teach children that they don't have to be asked in order to do a job. Honor means that we’re all contributing to family life. In fact, you may ask a child to go around the house and look for one job that needs to be done and do it, then report back to you.
These kinds of discussions and exercises will help children think outside of their little box and discover that they have a responsibility to the family. They can contribute to family life by just seeing something that needs to be done and doing it.
Of course, that's what makes a valuable employee too so you can teach your children something more important than just how to get along better in your family. You may be preparing them to be outstanding employees as they get older.
In addition, look for ways to discover the talents God gave each of your children. Help them find ways to use their loves and gifts to contribute or be kind to others. Perhaps you have a little one that likes to draw all day. Get the names of the seniors at a local nursery home and have your little one draw them pictures with a kind note jotted on it, like: God loves Mrs Smith.
Helping our children learn that they were placed here to contribute to God's perfect plan helps them not slip into the world's self absorbed agenda.
Enjoy your children this week.
Brenda
Some of this was borrowed from an article from "Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes In You and Your Kids" by Dr. Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
Because I said so!
Hello dear families
I want to encourage you to parent intentionally. Life moves real fast these days and before you can blink your children are older and opportunities have passed you by. Helping children develop spiritually doesn't require a seminary degree or a teaching credential. The only requirement is to be observant and available and ready for teachable moments.
Watch for opportunities to connect what they are learning and feeling with God and His Holy Word. Spend some time thinking about your house rules. Why do they exist? What do you hope for your children to learn from them? Where did you get them? Taking things to the source and finding scripture to back them up helps children decide internally what their motivation is.
At some point obedience has to turn internal. It can't remain only because you say so. Connecting the 'what' they have to do to the 'why' they have to do it helps them develop their own values and self motivations. It puts disobedience squarely back into their lap and calls it sin. At some point this becomes a personal battle between them and the Lord and not defiance of you.
In doing this exercise you may discover you have rules that don't have any tangible purpose. If so, you need to decide where they came from and if they are of value. If not, lose them. We are all learning about ourselves as we raise our children. It is okay to refine yourself as you go.
Most of all, live out your life honestly before the Lord and your children. It is okay for them to see your need for a Savior, to see that you to sin and can ask for forgiveness. Just take the time to intentionally connect God's truth to your life and the lives of your children. They will sense that God is a real, living interactive part of your life. Routine and religious gestures fall short of really living out your life before them and your God.
Get real and get intentional.
Bless you all
Brenda
I want to encourage you to parent intentionally. Life moves real fast these days and before you can blink your children are older and opportunities have passed you by. Helping children develop spiritually doesn't require a seminary degree or a teaching credential. The only requirement is to be observant and available and ready for teachable moments.
Watch for opportunities to connect what they are learning and feeling with God and His Holy Word. Spend some time thinking about your house rules. Why do they exist? What do you hope for your children to learn from them? Where did you get them? Taking things to the source and finding scripture to back them up helps children decide internally what their motivation is.
At some point obedience has to turn internal. It can't remain only because you say so. Connecting the 'what' they have to do to the 'why' they have to do it helps them develop their own values and self motivations. It puts disobedience squarely back into their lap and calls it sin. At some point this becomes a personal battle between them and the Lord and not defiance of you.
In doing this exercise you may discover you have rules that don't have any tangible purpose. If so, you need to decide where they came from and if they are of value. If not, lose them. We are all learning about ourselves as we raise our children. It is okay to refine yourself as you go.
Most of all, live out your life honestly before the Lord and your children. It is okay for them to see your need for a Savior, to see that you to sin and can ask for forgiveness. Just take the time to intentionally connect God's truth to your life and the lives of your children. They will sense that God is a real, living interactive part of your life. Routine and religious gestures fall short of really living out your life before them and your God.
Get real and get intentional.
Bless you all
Brenda
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Break Time not Time Out
Break Time not Time Out
As Parents it is our job to guide our children on how to handle their own emotions. One of the ways to do this is help them realize when they are out of control or unable to make good choices due to their emotions. Help them develop the habit of regrouping or taking a break. Help them with this by pointing out to them when they need to calm down and rethink the situation.
Allow the child to determine how much time they need to calm down. This is not a Time Out, or Punishment. This is a tool to help them manage themselves and their own sin nature more successfully. The focus needs to be on helping them realize that their current bad behavior is unproductive and destructive. They need to take ownership of their own self control and development.
Guiding them on the amount of time they take a break is directly connected to seeing how settled they are. Remind them that anger is something God tells us to deal with.
Ephesians 4:26
"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
It is their journey not yours. When you get angry, model the same behavior to them as well as using the same terminology. We are our children's best teachers.
Most importantly, enjoy every day with your children. They are a gift from God and a blessing.
Brenda
As Parents it is our job to guide our children on how to handle their own emotions. One of the ways to do this is help them realize when they are out of control or unable to make good choices due to their emotions. Help them develop the habit of regrouping or taking a break. Help them with this by pointing out to them when they need to calm down and rethink the situation.
Allow the child to determine how much time they need to calm down. This is not a Time Out, or Punishment. This is a tool to help them manage themselves and their own sin nature more successfully. The focus needs to be on helping them realize that their current bad behavior is unproductive and destructive. They need to take ownership of their own self control and development.
Guiding them on the amount of time they take a break is directly connected to seeing how settled they are. Remind them that anger is something God tells us to deal with.
Ephesians 4:26
"In your anger do not sin" : Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry,
It is their journey not yours. When you get angry, model the same behavior to them as well as using the same terminology. We are our children's best teachers.
Most importantly, enjoy every day with your children. They are a gift from God and a blessing.
Brenda
Monday, May 24, 2010
Connect Like Legos
Connect Like Legos
Anyone who has ever tried to take a lego structure apart understands that they do one thing really well. They connect! Wouldn't it be great if our relationships with our children were that strong. No matter if it is for fun or coming in for a crash, our strong connections can get us through it all.
Connecting with a child is easier for some and harder for others. Parents and kids have different personalities,likes and dislikes. With some kids, connecting takes real creativity and persistence. Here are some ways to help you connect with your child's heart.
Anyone who has ever tried to take a lego structure apart understands that they do one thing really well. They connect! Wouldn't it be great if our relationships with our children were that strong. No matter if it is for fun or coming in for a crash, our strong connections can get us through it all.
Connecting with a child is easier for some and harder for others. Parents and kids have different personalities,likes and dislikes. With some kids, connecting takes real creativity and persistence. Here are some ways to help you connect with your child's heart.
- Talking. Children often like to hear stories from your own childhood. Don't feel like you have to tie a lesson into the story. Just tell it to them as if you were relating the details to a friend.
- Listen to your kids. You have heard me say this before. Take an interest in their activities and their day. Once they start talking, draw them out with more questions.
- Touching. A hug or a gentle hand on a should communicates warmth and love.
- High-energy activities. Kids love excitement. Look for exciting activities to enjoy together.
- Look for ways to share your child's interests.
- give occasional special treats.
- Find a task and work together as a team.
- Offer genuine praise for a job will done.
- Have fun with your kids. Be silly, tell jokes, or wrestle.
- New times in a child's life set the stage to connect emotionally. Be there and available to share the moment.
- Traumatic events provide opportunities to develop closeness. Remember that the most important thing isn't fixing the problem, it's restoring the heart.
- Be sure to share how God fits into everything you do. Help them connect with God in a tangible way. Remind them of how good things come from Him and He is with us in times of trouble. Challenge yourself this week to find a scripture that connects with each suggestion above. When these opportunities come up, share the Word of God with your child to help them apply God's Word to their lives in a meaningful way. Deut 6:6-9.
Most important of all is to just enjoy your kids. Everyday will not be wondrous. There will be those days when your tired or fed up. We have to remember that even in the challenging days we can grow closer to our children. Be real. Kids can spot a hypocrite a mile away. They will not do what you say, they will do what they see you do. Make the effort and model connecting with each other. The return on your investment now will reap rewards for your children and all the lives they touch.
Have a blessed day.
Brenda
Some of the above suggestions came out of the book, Parenting is Heart Work by Dr, Scott Turansky. I have not read the book so I can't recommend it one way or the other. This was in part a parenting tip from 'biblicalparenting.org'.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Fast Food Spirituality
Hello Families,
It has been interesting interacting with my mother as she needs more and more assistance with normal life. I think of how she parented me and taught me through words and modeling to be loving and selfless. I wonder about the children being raised today in a world that promotes self absorption. How will they respond to parents in need in their later years in life?
It is important to get your children involved with selfless acts as young as possible. We all know how it feels when we give of ourselves without expecting anything in return. The Lord provides us with a sense of love and purpose that far exceeds any tangible reward. Children void of these opportunities will steadily become more hardened to offering themselves as vessels of blessing from the Lord.
How old will your children be when you hit the age of needing their help? How willing do you think they will be to be there for you? Any of you taking care of aging parents now understand what this could entail. We want our children to contribute to society, the Lord, and their family with a willing and servant's heart. How do you foster this?
This has to happen twofold. First you must find opportunities for your child to serve others without tangible reward. God will take care of the reward and it will be internal and eternal. Contact the church and ask to speak to the pastor over the seniors. Perhaps there are those in our congregation that need their lawn cared for or trash taken out. Perhaps they just need a visit and an opportunity to be listened to or read too. Bring them cookies or offer to cook them a meal. Find a neighbor in your community that could use some help. Start them as young as possible so giving of themselves becomes automatic.
The second thing you need to do is delay gratification. We live in a world that has programed us to get what we want as quickly as possible (fast food, 4G phones, ebay, overnight delivery, etc.) Children these days hear the message over and over that they deserve what they want and as quickly as possible. One of the deadliest things for a child's journey with the Lord is to see Him more as a vending machine. Request something and expect it to be provided right away. Anyone who has been a Christian for very long knows that waiting on God's perfect timing can sometimes take awhile. Children who are use to getting what they want right away struggle with this aspect of spiritual development. They give up on a God who must not be real or doesn't care because they didn't get what they wanted right away from Him. Help them understand that our purpose on this earth is to serve not to be served.
This has already become a trend among adults. More and more people are walking away from the giving of their time volunteering in the church, because it impacts their personal wants or pursuits. They rob themselves of the higher reward of God's blessing and the spiritual maturity and growth that goes on as a result of serving and volunteering.
Deliberately set up opportunities regularly for your family to serve others. You will instill in yourself and them a habit of service that will help you all grow closer as a family and further God's purposes for your lives at the same time.
Remember, those kids will be taking care of you some day, or will they?
Food for thought.
Brenda
It has been interesting interacting with my mother as she needs more and more assistance with normal life. I think of how she parented me and taught me through words and modeling to be loving and selfless. I wonder about the children being raised today in a world that promotes self absorption. How will they respond to parents in need in their later years in life?
It is important to get your children involved with selfless acts as young as possible. We all know how it feels when we give of ourselves without expecting anything in return. The Lord provides us with a sense of love and purpose that far exceeds any tangible reward. Children void of these opportunities will steadily become more hardened to offering themselves as vessels of blessing from the Lord.
How old will your children be when you hit the age of needing their help? How willing do you think they will be to be there for you? Any of you taking care of aging parents now understand what this could entail. We want our children to contribute to society, the Lord, and their family with a willing and servant's heart. How do you foster this?
This has to happen twofold. First you must find opportunities for your child to serve others without tangible reward. God will take care of the reward and it will be internal and eternal. Contact the church and ask to speak to the pastor over the seniors. Perhaps there are those in our congregation that need their lawn cared for or trash taken out. Perhaps they just need a visit and an opportunity to be listened to or read too. Bring them cookies or offer to cook them a meal. Find a neighbor in your community that could use some help. Start them as young as possible so giving of themselves becomes automatic.
The second thing you need to do is delay gratification. We live in a world that has programed us to get what we want as quickly as possible (fast food, 4G phones, ebay, overnight delivery, etc.) Children these days hear the message over and over that they deserve what they want and as quickly as possible. One of the deadliest things for a child's journey with the Lord is to see Him more as a vending machine. Request something and expect it to be provided right away. Anyone who has been a Christian for very long knows that waiting on God's perfect timing can sometimes take awhile. Children who are use to getting what they want right away struggle with this aspect of spiritual development. They give up on a God who must not be real or doesn't care because they didn't get what they wanted right away from Him. Help them understand that our purpose on this earth is to serve not to be served.
This has already become a trend among adults. More and more people are walking away from the giving of their time volunteering in the church, because it impacts their personal wants or pursuits. They rob themselves of the higher reward of God's blessing and the spiritual maturity and growth that goes on as a result of serving and volunteering.
Deliberately set up opportunities regularly for your family to serve others. You will instill in yourself and them a habit of service that will help you all grow closer as a family and further God's purposes for your lives at the same time.
Remember, those kids will be taking care of you some day, or will they?
Food for thought.
Brenda
Monday, April 5, 2010
Fade to Black
Hello Families,
The following is a song by Casting Crowns, called "Slow Fade". In my life this has been one of the foremost lessons I have given my children and reminded myself. Most of the time our descent away from God is so gradual that we wake up one day different people, not quit sure how we got here. Satan is crafty and will pull you and your children away from God one small step, one small compromise at a time. Read the lyrics of this song and assess your life. Most of this song talks about little feet, hands, eyes, etc, but is really speaking to us as adults with little ones watching our every move. The weight of our responsiblity is much greater now that we have not just ourselves to lose. Read each word and ask the Holy Spirit to search your heart. Make sure you remind your children that every day choices WILL move them either toward God or away from Him. Each decision counts. To guard their hearts. This is my prayer for you.
Casting Crowns
"Slow Fade"
Writer: Amy Sondova
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade
Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking
It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day
(Sung by a child)
Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
A Child or a Masterful Litagator?
Obey First and Then We'll Talk About It
When parents give an instruction but children don't want to comply or it's not convenient for them, sometimes they need to learn to "obey first and then we'll talk about it." This emphasizes obedience.
If little Brian has pulled a chair over to the counter and is climbing onto it, you may say, "Brian, we don’t climb on chairs.""But I was just…""No, you need to get down. Obey first and then we'll talk about it." Once he gets down, discuss the problem and find a solution together."Karl, go get your pajamas on.""I don't want to go to bed.""No, obey first and then we'll talk about it."
To some parents this may sound like blind obedience. We've all heard stories about people who were led into cultish activity because they couldn't think for themselves. No parent wants a child to fall into a pattern of blindly following a leader's instructions, but evaluating instructions is an advanced skill. Many parents have gone too far in the other direction ending up with children who can't follow simple instructions without a dialogue.
Parents sometimes believe they have to talk their child into wanting to obey. Inadvertently, these parents teach their children that if you don't like a request then that's enough reason to resist it. These children make poor employees, develop selfish attitudes about following someone else's leadership, and have a difficult time in relationships because they haven't learned how to sacrifice their own agenda for others.
Talking is important but sometimes even we, as adults, must obey first and then understand later. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son without fully understanding and then considered it faith for him to obey. Peter didn't know why he was to go to Cornelius' house but went anyway only to discover that God wanted to bring salvation to the Gentiles. Philip was asked to leave a revival in Samaria and go out into the wilderness, not knowing why, but when he got there he led an Ethiopian man to Christ.
Evaluating instructions is an advanced skill and will become important later on but children need to learn that sometimes we all must "obey first and then we'll talk about it.
"This parenting tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
___________________________
I am guilty of the latter. I spent countless hours discussing matters with my children. What I created were well informed litigators. The wisdom of this parenting tip is one I would go back in time and heed. I still firmly believe that it is imperative to connect the why you do it to the what you do. Dialogue and pulling them into God's Word for truth is invaluable. However, the simple act of placing that second in the order of things is the key. Obedience is the cornerstone of ever Christian's relationship with God. Help them learn it early and not only will you have an easier teenager but a young adult with a clear understanding of boundaries, obedience and their role in their relationship to God, the church, and others.
This is one tip you should start today!
Blessings to you all.
Brenda
When parents give an instruction but children don't want to comply or it's not convenient for them, sometimes they need to learn to "obey first and then we'll talk about it." This emphasizes obedience.
If little Brian has pulled a chair over to the counter and is climbing onto it, you may say, "Brian, we don’t climb on chairs.""But I was just…""No, you need to get down. Obey first and then we'll talk about it." Once he gets down, discuss the problem and find a solution together."Karl, go get your pajamas on.""I don't want to go to bed.""No, obey first and then we'll talk about it."
To some parents this may sound like blind obedience. We've all heard stories about people who were led into cultish activity because they couldn't think for themselves. No parent wants a child to fall into a pattern of blindly following a leader's instructions, but evaluating instructions is an advanced skill. Many parents have gone too far in the other direction ending up with children who can't follow simple instructions without a dialogue.
Parents sometimes believe they have to talk their child into wanting to obey. Inadvertently, these parents teach their children that if you don't like a request then that's enough reason to resist it. These children make poor employees, develop selfish attitudes about following someone else's leadership, and have a difficult time in relationships because they haven't learned how to sacrifice their own agenda for others.
Talking is important but sometimes even we, as adults, must obey first and then understand later. God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son without fully understanding and then considered it faith for him to obey. Peter didn't know why he was to go to Cornelius' house but went anyway only to discover that God wanted to bring salvation to the Gentiles. Philip was asked to leave a revival in Samaria and go out into the wilderness, not knowing why, but when he got there he led an Ethiopian man to Christ.
Evaluating instructions is an advanced skill and will become important later on but children need to learn that sometimes we all must "obey first and then we'll talk about it.
"This parenting tip comes from the book Say Goodbye to Whining, Complaining, and Bad Attitudes, In You and Your Kids by Dr Scott Turansky and Joanne Miller, RN, BSN.
___________________________
I am guilty of the latter. I spent countless hours discussing matters with my children. What I created were well informed litigators. The wisdom of this parenting tip is one I would go back in time and heed. I still firmly believe that it is imperative to connect the why you do it to the what you do. Dialogue and pulling them into God's Word for truth is invaluable. However, the simple act of placing that second in the order of things is the key. Obedience is the cornerstone of ever Christian's relationship with God. Help them learn it early and not only will you have an easier teenager but a young adult with a clear understanding of boundaries, obedience and their role in their relationship to God, the church, and others.
This is one tip you should start today!
Blessings to you all.
Brenda
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
How Many Times Do I Have To Tell You??
Understanding Attitudes and How To Change Them
"Attitude" is a shorthand term used to summarize many different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors all at the same time. Various triggers provoke attitudes and simply hearing a word or seeing a signal can change a person's perspective. All Mom has to do is say Derek?! with that certain voice, for instance, and Derek knows she is going to ask him to do something. He responds with a disgusted groan.
Victoria gets to school and sees a pink slip taped to her locker again. She doesn't even read it but rolls her eyes and moans, knowing that it's a call to the office. Triggers like these quickly move people into attitudes that in part determine how they’ll respond to a situation.
Attitudes actually have three components: behavior, emotion, and beliefs. Each of these components can be useful in the change process. The behavior is the flag that tells you there’s a problem. Emotion adds energy to the situation and helps to determine when’s the best time to address the issue, and the beliefs tell you what needs to be addressed on a heart level.
Many parents only focus on the first component, behavior, telling kids to "stop pouting," or "Don't roll your eyes at me." Furthermore, these parents tend to focus only on what not to do instead of what the child should do. It usually isn't helpful just to tell a child to "Stop having a bad attitude" without giving more guidance for developing a better response.
Remember that the goal of discipline is not just to make your children less annoying. As you correct your children for bad attitudes, you are preparing them for the future. After all, they will experience similar situations continually throughout their lives.
Look for ways to help your children think differently. Listening carefully to your child can help you identify thinking errors that lead to a bad attitude. What hidden belief might Jeremy, age ten, have? He complains and argues when you ask him to do the dishes? Maybe he believes, "Chores are an interruption to my life and not my responsibility." If pressed, he may also reveal a belief, "All work is hard and unpleasant, and I must try to avoid it." A positive attitude about work comes from several new values such as "Work is necessary in order to brings benefits to me and to others" and "My contribution to family life is a statement of gratefulness for what I have."
Changing attitudes requires exposure to new ways of thinking. You can provoke your children to more healthy attitudes through dialogue, modeling, and correction. But remember, heart change takes time. We can change behavior quickly, but heart change goes deeper and lasts longer.
Have you discovered ways to adjust attitudes in your children, or even in yourself? Share what works for you.
Excerpt from http://www.biblicalparenting.org/.
___________________________________________________________
Think about all the times you have been ignored in your feelings or misunderstood. You discover faulty thinking and training as an adult and wish someone had taught you the truth earlier. Still many others of you still have faulty thinking about some issues. Now is your child's time to set out on the right path with a clear understanding of correct attitudes and perspectives on the issues of life.
Take the time to observe and respond to your child's behaviors instead of just reacting. Don't perpetuate the problem, be part of God's hand in setting it straight. If you have a recurring problem with your child, take a step back and ask yourself or them what is really going on. Ask an outside observer to offer their insight. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see the answer, but whatever you do don't ignore it.
May God grant you wisdom and peace as you parent your children today.
Brenda
"Attitude" is a shorthand term used to summarize many different feelings, thoughts, and behaviors all at the same time. Various triggers provoke attitudes and simply hearing a word or seeing a signal can change a person's perspective. All Mom has to do is say Derek?! with that certain voice, for instance, and Derek knows she is going to ask him to do something. He responds with a disgusted groan.
Victoria gets to school and sees a pink slip taped to her locker again. She doesn't even read it but rolls her eyes and moans, knowing that it's a call to the office. Triggers like these quickly move people into attitudes that in part determine how they’ll respond to a situation.
Attitudes actually have three components: behavior, emotion, and beliefs. Each of these components can be useful in the change process. The behavior is the flag that tells you there’s a problem. Emotion adds energy to the situation and helps to determine when’s the best time to address the issue, and the beliefs tell you what needs to be addressed on a heart level.
Many parents only focus on the first component, behavior, telling kids to "stop pouting," or "Don't roll your eyes at me." Furthermore, these parents tend to focus only on what not to do instead of what the child should do. It usually isn't helpful just to tell a child to "Stop having a bad attitude" without giving more guidance for developing a better response.
Remember that the goal of discipline is not just to make your children less annoying. As you correct your children for bad attitudes, you are preparing them for the future. After all, they will experience similar situations continually throughout their lives.
Look for ways to help your children think differently. Listening carefully to your child can help you identify thinking errors that lead to a bad attitude. What hidden belief might Jeremy, age ten, have? He complains and argues when you ask him to do the dishes? Maybe he believes, "Chores are an interruption to my life and not my responsibility." If pressed, he may also reveal a belief, "All work is hard and unpleasant, and I must try to avoid it." A positive attitude about work comes from several new values such as "Work is necessary in order to brings benefits to me and to others" and "My contribution to family life is a statement of gratefulness for what I have."
Changing attitudes requires exposure to new ways of thinking. You can provoke your children to more healthy attitudes through dialogue, modeling, and correction. But remember, heart change takes time. We can change behavior quickly, but heart change goes deeper and lasts longer.
Have you discovered ways to adjust attitudes in your children, or even in yourself? Share what works for you.
Excerpt from http://www.biblicalparenting.org/.
___________________________________________________________
Think about all the times you have been ignored in your feelings or misunderstood. You discover faulty thinking and training as an adult and wish someone had taught you the truth earlier. Still many others of you still have faulty thinking about some issues. Now is your child's time to set out on the right path with a clear understanding of correct attitudes and perspectives on the issues of life.
Take the time to observe and respond to your child's behaviors instead of just reacting. Don't perpetuate the problem, be part of God's hand in setting it straight. If you have a recurring problem with your child, take a step back and ask yourself or them what is really going on. Ask an outside observer to offer their insight. Sometimes we are too close to a situation to see the answer, but whatever you do don't ignore it.
May God grant you wisdom and peace as you parent your children today.
Brenda
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Loving the Unlovable - GET REAL!
No matter where life takes us it is clear that the Lord craves to go with us. Each life we walk past is experiencing a day we can't understand fully. When you are cut off on the road and an irritation wells within you, did that person just learn of horrible news. Have they just experienced a bombardment of events making your presence on the road with him invisible? We can't walk in everyone's shoes, but we can live a life that reflects the mercy and forgiveness we have all been blessed with through Christ. Be slow to anger, give and given mercy, forgive, live in peace, fret not. The Word of God is filled with a call to love and care for even those that are hard to care for.
How do we help children understand what is hard for many adults to grasp? By living out our faith with reality. Share the challenges you experience with loving the unlovable. Ask for forgiveness in front of your children. Be with them as you ask the Lord to give you a heart that can love those that are hurtful. Do the same for them as they battle with their emotions and encounter tough people. This is a life journey. You will not raise a perfect loving child. But if you show them humility and a need to lay all at the feet of God, you give them the tools to build with.
God is faithful. All we can do is live out our humanness in a real way. Don't try to be superman or superwoman. Share what is appropriate and let them know that you need God just as they do. Your journey will be the richer for it. (as a side note: Don't share really serious issues with children to young to process them. Children count on you for their security. Bring things down to an appropriate level. )
May God bless you as you live in truth before your children and share ---His "commandments that He gives you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deut 6:6-9
Brenda
How do we help children understand what is hard for many adults to grasp? By living out our faith with reality. Share the challenges you experience with loving the unlovable. Ask for forgiveness in front of your children. Be with them as you ask the Lord to give you a heart that can love those that are hurtful. Do the same for them as they battle with their emotions and encounter tough people. This is a life journey. You will not raise a perfect loving child. But if you show them humility and a need to lay all at the feet of God, you give them the tools to build with.
God is faithful. All we can do is live out our humanness in a real way. Don't try to be superman or superwoman. Share what is appropriate and let them know that you need God just as they do. Your journey will be the richer for it. (as a side note: Don't share really serious issues with children to young to process them. Children count on you for their security. Bring things down to an appropriate level. )
May God bless you as you live in truth before your children and share ---His "commandments that He gives you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates. Deut 6:6-9
Brenda
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Devil Made Me Do IT!
The Conscience and the Holy Spirit
The heart contains a number of internal prompters but some of them lead children in the wrong direction. For example, the heart contains emotions, but sometimes those emotions prompt children to act inappropriately. The heart contains desires but when those desires are wrong we call them temptations.
God has placed two governors in the heart to guide the internal motivations of a person. Those two governors are the conscience and the Holy Spirit. The conscience is a part of the heart. The Holy Spirit is a person. The conscience can prompt children to do right or avoid wrong, but the Holy Spirit can empower them to change.
As you help children develop a strong conscience you’re making them more aware of internal promptings. In doing so, you’ll be preparing them to learn to listen to the voice of God in their lives.
We have no record of the conscience speaking in the Bible. Instead, it feels good or bad, but the Holy Spirit does speak. Children can learn to listen to the voice of God in their lives. How does God speak to a child? Through his Word, through an internal sense of peace, through prayer, and even through parents.
Talk to your kids about the internal prompters. When you do, help them to know what to do with those promptings. Just because you feel like doing something, doesn’t make it right. We must always check our hearts against the scriptures. That’s the only way to know what is truly the right thing to do.
This tip comes to you from http://www.biblicalparenting.org/
___________________________________________________________
When you talk through what a child feels, and you identify what they are feeling as a temptation, help them to identify what triggers that temptation and to create steps to avoid it or flee from it. Children can eventually construct this level of reason themselves, but until then, clear and concise identification and steps to get through something is needed. Be on the look out for teachable moments and take advantage of them.
Some good memory verses for them to use are:
Mark 14:38 Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
James1: 13-14 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.
Enjoy your kids.
Brenda
The heart contains a number of internal prompters but some of them lead children in the wrong direction. For example, the heart contains emotions, but sometimes those emotions prompt children to act inappropriately. The heart contains desires but when those desires are wrong we call them temptations.
God has placed two governors in the heart to guide the internal motivations of a person. Those two governors are the conscience and the Holy Spirit. The conscience is a part of the heart. The Holy Spirit is a person. The conscience can prompt children to do right or avoid wrong, but the Holy Spirit can empower them to change.
As you help children develop a strong conscience you’re making them more aware of internal promptings. In doing so, you’ll be preparing them to learn to listen to the voice of God in their lives.
We have no record of the conscience speaking in the Bible. Instead, it feels good or bad, but the Holy Spirit does speak. Children can learn to listen to the voice of God in their lives. How does God speak to a child? Through his Word, through an internal sense of peace, through prayer, and even through parents.
Talk to your kids about the internal prompters. When you do, help them to know what to do with those promptings. Just because you feel like doing something, doesn’t make it right. We must always check our hearts against the scriptures. That’s the only way to know what is truly the right thing to do.
This tip comes to you from http://www.biblicalparenting.org/
___________________________________________________________
When you talk through what a child feels, and you identify what they are feeling as a temptation, help them to identify what triggers that temptation and to create steps to avoid it or flee from it. Children can eventually construct this level of reason themselves, but until then, clear and concise identification and steps to get through something is needed. Be on the look out for teachable moments and take advantage of them.
Some good memory verses for them to use are:
Mark 14:38 Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the body is weak."
1 Corinthians 10:13 No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.
James1: 13-14 When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed.
Enjoy your kids.
Brenda
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Waves of Worry or Peace Like a River
Hello Dear Families
I am a pretty peaceful person. I tend to live in the today and rarely worry, as my close friends can attest too. However, there are times when I worry about my kids. Is that okay? Is that an understandable and acceptable state of mind with God? The human side of me would be the first to say, "Oh that is normal, it goes with the territory." However, the Word of God says something different. Philippians 4:6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."
It doesn't say be anxious for nothing except your kids, or your parenting failures, or their failures. It says be anxious for nothing!
What do you do then when you are hit with a wave of worry for your child? Well the answer lies in the second half of the verse. ("but in Everything by prayer and supplication")Supplication means : 1.To ask for humbly or earnestly, as by praying; 2.To make a humble entreaty to; beseech. That is where those intense emotions of fear, worry and anxiety go. They need to poured out in our prayers to God on behalf of our child. We need to recognize that God's original design for us as parents was not to live in our worry. He does not bring the fear. He gives us a way out. The words earnestly, entreaty and beseech in the definition of this word share the intensity of our state of mind when we are doing the praying. We can't stop the waves of worry. We can Biblically handle them with God's help.
The interesting part of this verse in Philippians ends with "with thanksgiving". So not only are we not to claim the fear and worry as normal and acceptable, we are to take it with all its waves of intensity and give it over to the Lord, knowing that He will hear us and answer our prayer. Be thankful for His perfect will in your life and the lives of your children, even when trial comes. In James 1:2-4 we learn that all things, even trials, come together to perfect us and our children. Count is all JOY.
Now I know this is easier said then done, but what choice do we have? Fear and anxiety rob us of our sound mind and leads us to poor thinking and irrational actions. If we are going to win the battle of the spiritual forces against us and our children, then we need to be armed for that battle with God. Matthew 6:24-34 talks about how little we can actually control in our life, but more beautifully, it speaks to the tender loving kindness of our God who will provide for us all that we need. The sooner we accept this the sooner we will find peace that only comes from releasing and surrendering wholly to God. He loves your kids more than you do. He has the hairs on their head counted. Allow Him to work out His plan for them. Now I say this as someone who continues to have to lay this back down at the altar of God. Join me in releasing our worry, fear and anxiety over to our Lord.
May the peace that surpasses all human understanding be with you today.
Brenda
I am a pretty peaceful person. I tend to live in the today and rarely worry, as my close friends can attest too. However, there are times when I worry about my kids. Is that okay? Is that an understandable and acceptable state of mind with God? The human side of me would be the first to say, "Oh that is normal, it goes with the territory." However, the Word of God says something different. Philippians 4:6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God."
It doesn't say be anxious for nothing except your kids, or your parenting failures, or their failures. It says be anxious for nothing!
What do you do then when you are hit with a wave of worry for your child? Well the answer lies in the second half of the verse. ("but in Everything by prayer and supplication")Supplication means : 1.To ask for humbly or earnestly, as by praying; 2.To make a humble entreaty to; beseech. That is where those intense emotions of fear, worry and anxiety go. They need to poured out in our prayers to God on behalf of our child. We need to recognize that God's original design for us as parents was not to live in our worry. He does not bring the fear. He gives us a way out. The words earnestly, entreaty and beseech in the definition of this word share the intensity of our state of mind when we are doing the praying. We can't stop the waves of worry. We can Biblically handle them with God's help.
The interesting part of this verse in Philippians ends with "with thanksgiving". So not only are we not to claim the fear and worry as normal and acceptable, we are to take it with all its waves of intensity and give it over to the Lord, knowing that He will hear us and answer our prayer. Be thankful for His perfect will in your life and the lives of your children, even when trial comes. In James 1:2-4 we learn that all things, even trials, come together to perfect us and our children. Count is all JOY.
Now I know this is easier said then done, but what choice do we have? Fear and anxiety rob us of our sound mind and leads us to poor thinking and irrational actions. If we are going to win the battle of the spiritual forces against us and our children, then we need to be armed for that battle with God. Matthew 6:24-34 talks about how little we can actually control in our life, but more beautifully, it speaks to the tender loving kindness of our God who will provide for us all that we need. The sooner we accept this the sooner we will find peace that only comes from releasing and surrendering wholly to God. He loves your kids more than you do. He has the hairs on their head counted. Allow Him to work out His plan for them. Now I say this as someone who continues to have to lay this back down at the altar of God. Join me in releasing our worry, fear and anxiety over to our Lord.
May the peace that surpasses all human understanding be with you today.
Brenda
Monday, January 25, 2010
Don't Hug me: Do the Dishes!
Good Morning and welcome to the beginning of a new week.
Every day we wake up and face the tasks and chores ahead of us. We will interact with our children dozens and dozens of times today. What language are you speaking. I know, that sounds like a stupid question, but it isn't. Gary Chapman wrote a few books on the 5 Languages of Love. He helped us to take a step back and assess how others feel loved.
Feeling loved is one of the most essential and primal needs we humans have. We know what works for us but do other people in your family know what your love language is? The following are the 5 Love Languages. Determine what yours is, as well as, each member of your family. Have a family meeting and make sure everyone knows what the other's love language is. Make it a family project to show love to each member of the family using their love language. What a difference it will make in how everyone feels. It works. Give it a try.
The five different love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
Every day we wake up and face the tasks and chores ahead of us. We will interact with our children dozens and dozens of times today. What language are you speaking. I know, that sounds like a stupid question, but it isn't. Gary Chapman wrote a few books on the 5 Languages of Love. He helped us to take a step back and assess how others feel loved.
Feeling loved is one of the most essential and primal needs we humans have. We know what works for us but do other people in your family know what your love language is? The following are the 5 Love Languages. Determine what yours is, as well as, each member of your family. Have a family meeting and make sure everyone knows what the other's love language is. Make it a family project to show love to each member of the family using their love language. What a difference it will make in how everyone feels. It works. Give it a try.
The five different love languages are:
Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.
For more on Gary Chapman's Books go to: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/ He also has an assessment tool on his page to help you figure out your own love language.
Here is a link that gives suggestions on how to express each love language to children of different ages. At the bottom left of the page are the links for each love language and suggestions.
http://www.parentingideas.org/articles/behavior/why-i-chose-the-five-love-languages/
Enjoy your family today. Love them with the love that only can come from God.
Blessings
Brenda
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Commenting
I have had a few of you email that you want to leave comments but don't know how. All you have to do is click on 'Sign In'. This will prompt you to put in an email address and password. Put what email address you want to use and make a password. You can click the remember me button and then the 'Sign in' button. Once you click on this it will ask you a few more questions and then you are signed into the blog as a user. At this point you can go back to the blog and click on 'Comment' and you will be able to leave comments for everyone to respond to or read.
I look forward to all the wisdom and experience you all will share and we endeavor to raise our children in the Lord together.
Blessings
Brenda
I look forward to all the wisdom and experience you all will share and we endeavor to raise our children in the Lord together.
Blessings
Brenda
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Check your attitude at the door
Is your home a sanctuary or a battlefield? No matter what is going on in your family's world on the outside, once they walk through the door of your house there should be an understanding that this is a safe place. Help your children learn to affirm and not tear down. Help them understand the feelings of others in the family by putting themselves in the other person's shoes, emotionally. For instance, when one family member says something hurtful to another, you can ask that person how they would feel if that was said to them the same way.
Help your child, and all your family, understand that once they walk through that door, they can expect to be safe, loved, and affirmed. Even correction can be done in such a way as to help a child learn without feeling threatened. Remaining calm in body language and tone when discussing an offense will help your child focus on the wrong done and not immediately go to the defensive.
As parents we are the rudder that steers the ship. What we model sets the tone for the environment. Now granted siblings will be siblings, and sin nature is a factor. Help your children learn to resolve issues through calm conversations and compromise. Time to cool off may be essential in getting to this end, but modeling is the key. Give them words and tone to use in their negotiations. Help them discover compromise and peace is the expectation of your home.
Now times will come where evil will get a foothold in your home. I have had all 4 of my children freaking out at once and it was more than normal and stronger than normal. You will sense that something has infiltrated your home. When this happens you MUST do a prayer walk. Walk through the floors of your home and pray. Send satan packing. At night when all your children are asleep, go into their rooms and lay your hands on them. Pray protection from evil. I promise you this works. Satan will not stay in a home where he is being expelled in the name of Jesus.
Rest assured that raising your children in this day and age is a spiritual battle of monumental proportions. You serve the winner of this battle. Call on Him and His power regularly to defeat him who seeks to destroy your family.
God will prevail.
Blessings to you all.
Brenda
Help your child, and all your family, understand that once they walk through that door, they can expect to be safe, loved, and affirmed. Even correction can be done in such a way as to help a child learn without feeling threatened. Remaining calm in body language and tone when discussing an offense will help your child focus on the wrong done and not immediately go to the defensive.
As parents we are the rudder that steers the ship. What we model sets the tone for the environment. Now granted siblings will be siblings, and sin nature is a factor. Help your children learn to resolve issues through calm conversations and compromise. Time to cool off may be essential in getting to this end, but modeling is the key. Give them words and tone to use in their negotiations. Help them discover compromise and peace is the expectation of your home.
Now times will come where evil will get a foothold in your home. I have had all 4 of my children freaking out at once and it was more than normal and stronger than normal. You will sense that something has infiltrated your home. When this happens you MUST do a prayer walk. Walk through the floors of your home and pray. Send satan packing. At night when all your children are asleep, go into their rooms and lay your hands on them. Pray protection from evil. I promise you this works. Satan will not stay in a home where he is being expelled in the name of Jesus.
Rest assured that raising your children in this day and age is a spiritual battle of monumental proportions. You serve the winner of this battle. Call on Him and His power regularly to defeat him who seeks to destroy your family.
God will prevail.
Blessings to you all.
Brenda
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