Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Time to talk

Develop a habit in your home of talking about issues, feelings, and thoughts. It is never too early to start asking your children questions like: "Why do you think that is?", or "How do you feel about what just happened?" Train them early that you are a safe person for them to share their disappointments, anger and confusion with. Try very, very hard not to react when you hear something you want to correct. This is not the time for that! Save it for later. Talk time has to be a safe time with no fear of reprisal. If you develop this early your children will be more likely to come to you about something serious that you need to help them through. As they get older, bring up the more delicate subjects like sex, drugs and the like. They may not know these are safe topics until you give the green light. Again, it is very important that you check your body language and responses. Stay as calm as possible when you hear something that scares or shocks you. Children are more able to deal with issues then most people realize. If you have not developed this habit and your kids are older try this: Each night after they get into bed tell them they can ask any 2 questions they want. This is especially helpful if they are going through a especially difficult situation. Be as honest as is appropriate for their age. As they work through what they need to talk to eventually this will filter down to silly questions. But you will have established yourself as a safe person to talk to. Proverbs 15:23 says "A man has joy by the answer of his mouth and a word spoken in due season, how good it is." A safe talking zone is very valuable and should be started immediately. Share your challenges or successes with this.

1 comment:

  1. When me and my kids were going through the divorce is was really hard on all of us. Every night we did the 2 question method. Sometimes the questions would be hard. Such as: Why doesn't daddy love us or come to see us? Or is Daddy going to heaven? To this day, my adult kids talk to me about everything. Believe me sometimes I don't want to hear some of it, but they are capable of figuring things out on their own as long as they can process through it with someone who is safe. It really works. Anyone have a story to tell on this topic? Maybe someone is having a challenge situation you need to talk through.

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