Anger identifies a problem

This came in this morning to my email and I thought it was well worth sharing. You can sign up to receive these parenting tips to your email by going to: www.biblicalparenting.org

Use Anger to Spark Creativity

We say, "Anger is good for identifying problems but not good for solving them." Once you become aware of a problem, look for a more creative and productive way to solve it. When parents choose to reflect only anger, they limit themselves dramatically. Families benefit when they experiment with other emotional options as well.

Marilyn surprised her eight-year-old son after he put his feet on the table during dinner. She felt angry, but she chose to respond differently. "Do you know what the Bible says about beautiful feet?" she asked in a playful tone.

Expecting a harsh response the boy was shocked by his mother's question and curious about the answer. "No," he replied with question in his voice.

"The Bible says, 'Beautiful are the feet of them who bring good news.' Now I have some good news for you. Dessert is only served to those whose feet are under the table." Marilyn made her point and she didn't have to use anger to do it. During dessert, several minutes after the previous incident, she made a passing request, "Please don’t put your feet on this table."

Her son responded, "Okay."

This mom avoided what could have been an ugly scene by exercising some restraint on her anger and responding in a wise way. By stopping each time you feel angry and evaluating the situation, you can use anger to point out problems and then choose another strategy for your response.

This parenting tip comes from our book, Good and Angry, Exchanging Frustration for Character in You and Your Kids.
_____________________________________________________

One of the hardest things we can do as a parent is to not respond in anger. This only puts the child on the defense. Once in defensive mode no learning happens except how to be better at being defensive.

The part of this tip that makes me chuckle is the part where the child is suprised by the parent's response. Don't think for one moment your sweet little child is not capable of doing something just to get a rise out of you. There is a great deal of wisdom in not being predictable. Keeping relocating your buttons. It makes it harder for them to push them.

By the way, if you have a problem with anger, get help. It is one of the most destructive emotions for you and your children. Seek counseling or join Celebrate Recovery. Yes, Celebrate Recovery is for all problems that have a hold on you, not just addictions. There are currently some people in the RHCC Celebrate Recovery that are only there to work out their anger issues. They will understand where you are and where you need to be.