Words that cut or build

I was watching a movie (FAME)this weekend where a teen set out on a path, strongly believing in his ability to succeed. When his mother found out, she chastized him asking, "Who told you you would be able to succeed at this?" He said, "You did". The actor did an excellent job of portraying someone who was stabbed by his mother's doubts in his ability.

We have to remember that we, as parents, have a more powerful affect on our children then any other force. Especially in the developing years, our children learn trust, love, relationship rules, limits, develop (or don't develop) self confidence, and many, many more lessons.

We have to guard our words carefully. Encourage the talents emerging from your children as they grow. Make your little girls feel like empowered princesses and your sons like they are the kings of the world, but remember that they are human and will have natural limitations as well. It is okay to share with them that they can't do everything well. When they fail, assess if you feel it was from a lack of trying or natural limitations.

Help guide them as they discover who they are and what God has for them. Be sure to temper your responses, when negative. Deliver them in love. A successful format is to just ask the child/teen questions that force them to come the same conclusion that you would have proclaimed without discussion.

I remember when my daughter was in elementary, she wanted to be a singer. Believe me when I say, this was not a practical dream given the singing talent she was not born with. I told her that she should line up 2 or 3 dreams to pursue. As she got older and talent for singing didn't materialize, I finally sat her down and said, "Pick a different dream. God did not gift you for this one." She was upset that I would come right out and say it like that. I wish I had recorded her voice and had her critique herself against others who were blessed with that talent. It would have gone down smoother if she came to that conclusion herself. She thanks me these days for putting things straight back then. Still it would have been nice to have done it a more gentle way.

Watch what you say and how you say it. Our words can build up or cut down. Each morning pray that God will guard your words and your actions. God fills in where we lack. He loves our children more than we do. Trust Him to guide and co-parent with you.

Share your experiences with this in your life or with your kids. We learn from each other.

Blessings
Brenda