How many of you know that when you make your child say sorry to someone after an offense, that they are actually thinking is "I'm NOT sorry!". Kids will say what they are made to say, but a heart of true forgiveness is a journey.
Forgiveness is a tough concept for even adults to handle, much less kids. However, as parents it is imperative that we do what we can to consistently share core virtues and values with our kids.
It is okay to have your real young ones say the words after they have wronged someone. However, it is important to intentionally teach them when you aren't in the heat of a moment. Use stuffed animals or dolls to have a fight. One says, "I'm sorry", and the other says, "I forgive you". Hand off the dolls to the child and have them reenact it. Of course, you can continuously share how God feels about forgiveness, love and compassion with them. (Mark 11:25-26; Colossians 3:13; Matthew 6:14-15 and many, many more)
As kids get older it is important to teach them understanding and compassion. Help them reflect on what has happened that needs forgiveness. If someone has wronged them that they need to forgive, help them to imagine what is happening in the other person's life. Now granted, sometimes it is just sin rearing its ugly head, but sometimes people act up because of trials and difficulties in their life. Help the child to try and think beyond themselves. Model this as well. For example: If someone is speeding and cuts you off, instead of getting angry at them, talk to your kids in the car about how that person may have just learned of a loved one at the hospital and isn't thinking clearly. They may come home angry about a bully at school. Share with them that perhaps something upsetting is happening at home that he doesn't know how to deal with. We must teach children to think of others with compassion. Lead your child in prayer for the one that has wronged them.
You can also help them act out stories or use paper cut outs to talk through great forgiveness stories in the Bible like Genesis 37-50(Joseph), and Luke 15:11-32(Prodical son).
Get them involved in community and missionary projects. This furthers their understanding of compassion and thinking of others over themselves.
Remind them that not forgiving is a sin. Ask them how they feel when someone does or doesn't forgive them. Remind them that God has forgiven them for so much. Remind them that an unforgiving heart grows angry.(Prov 10:12)
Sometimes, we are wronged by others who aren't sorry and don't care if you forgive them. In these cases it is time to teach our children that God is in control of all circumstances. They did what they could and have to leave the rest in His hands.
Wow, no wonder this is a tough lesson. There are so many facets to it. However, God is parenting with you. Pray during situations that He will guide you as you guide your kids. He has their development planned out. We are only called on to get in there and do it.
By the way, I forgive you if you don't comment on this blog. :) JK
Brenda
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